A Christmas For Buffy
by AnonymousBuffy Writer
Summary: Buffy S. has Finally gotten her life where she wants it but 1 thing is missing Angel. she goes 2 fight one last battle and find out after she passout, not only does she have a month to live but Angels in a coma but why is there 2 of him and will she sayby
1. Prologue

DISCLAMER I own nothing all character belong to Joss Whedon.  
RATING: pg-14 to M  
AUTHOR: Tajma Cameron  
TIMELINE: five years after the Fall of LA  
PAIRINGS: Buffy/Angel/Angelus  
SPOILER: Veronica Decides to die, Possessions, Buffy Spoilers season 3  
SYNOPSIS: Buffy Summers has Finally gotten her life where she wants it but one thing is missing Angel. she goes to fight one last battle and finds out after she pass out not only does she have a month to live but Angels in a coma but why is there two of him and will she get to say goodbye to the right one before it's to late.  
MUSIC: Pussycat Dolls: Played, Light camera Action  
Foo Fighters: Stranger Things Have Happened  
Brittany Spears: Perfect Lover  
Beyonce Save the hero  
AUTHOR NOTES: I got the Idea for this story from Veronica Decides to die Possessions,  
E-MAIL:  
DISTRIBUTION:  
FEEDBACK: of course

May 18 2004  
LA

Spike came from the shadows "Boo."

Angel looked at him "Anyone else?"

Spike came up to him "Not so far. You feel the heat?"

Angel confirmed "It's coming."

Spike looked ahead "Finally got ourselves a decent brawl." Gunn comes running, then staggering, down the street toward them, carrying his homemade battle-axe

Gunn said breathing hard "Damn! How did I know the fang boys would pull through? You're lucky we're on the same side, dogs, 'cause I was on fire tonight." Continuing weakly "My game was tight." he almost collapses, but Angel and Spike catch him, helping him to a box on which he can sit down

Spike retorted You're supposed to wear the red stuff on the Inside, Charlie boy.

Gunn looked a Angel "Any word on Wes?" Illyria jumps down from the chain link fence to stand behind Angel

Illyria answered "Wesley's dead. I'm feeling grief for him. I can't seem to control it. I wish to do more violence."

Spike retorted "Well, wishes just happen to be horses today."

Angel added "Among other things." Not taking his eyes off of what was heading there way a demon army, including a winged monster, is approaching

Gunn gulped "OK. You take the 30,000 on the left..."

Illyria responded emotionlessly "You're fading. You'll last 10 minutes at best."

Gunn stands "Then let's make 'me memorable."

Spike looked at what was approaching getting ready "In terms of a plan?"

Angel was tensing up "We fight."

Spike tensed "Bit more specific."

Angel said with charm "Well, personally, I kind of want to slay the dragon. Let's go to work." Angel & co charges the demon army, weapons swinging.

****  
Meanwhile  
May 18 2004  
Italy

Buffy lay on the dungeon floor of the Immortals palace trying to figure out how she got tricked so good when It hit her a white light completely covered her and she saw it  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Vision *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
She saw Cordelia kiss him and pass he vision to him and him get a call about her death

She saw Angel In bed he had a vision

She saw Angel and the group In his office they all raised their hands

She saw Angels fight beginning and the white essence pass from him though time and space back down to her

She saw herself In the dungeon cage she saw the child get her out she saw herself riding up Into the air Cordelia's Spirit pull her to view Angels fight they were In battle and they weren't looking good until she saw there spirits rise up and they met forming a circle with Cordelia and they all began to glow like the sun It was beautiful and then

Buffy saw her self a huge fight something was coming a her to kill her and she stopped It

A child holding a sword

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* End Vision *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Buffy woke up she smell the floor burning then see rolled as the floor cracked and se barely missed falling Into It se saw the lava begin to come up from the ground she rolled over but It was coming up on one said and that was where she need to get out she didn't know how she was going to get out until a little girl appeared out of no where strike the chains she had her face Angels eyes and Spikes smile and a beautiful sword only person she new It belong to was Angel.

They got out the cage she got Xander out off his jumping over the lava In the floor the little girl tightly rapped in her arms Xander In toe hey to out the collapsing building they got outside and saw the destruction the lava and the slayers fighting. She ran to meet the others and Willow saw the little girl In her arms she smiled and they fight se never placed the girl down for a moment as she ran through the enemy the Immortal was long gone and then she saw the demon gods coming at her on there houses and couldn't blocked the Impacted she thought sure she was dead when the little girl did something.  
Buffy didn't know what but when she woke up the fight was near End she look out with others the small reminder of Demons as the sun began to come up over the horizon two figures appeared In front of her and a third in all white light. The too In the black togas reached or the child she handed her over the child smiled back at her before disappearing the two In the togas began to speak

The man said "you have seen the future"

The woman said "what is to be"

The mans continued "we gave you a glimpse as what you can have"

The woman said "you are a slayer"

The man said "the child will be as well"

The woman said "the child Is your"

The man said "you will see her again within time"

November 25 2008  
here I stand In my lavish apartment In LA I walk over to my mantel and look at the photos there I lift up the one of myself and the group from high school then pick up the one of us all at the last Christmas party the group had gotten large some members were still there others had been replaced over the years but together all the same. I sat the photos back on my mantel as I went on to my day. It was rain as I grab my red umbrella out of the basket and walk out the door go down stairs greet the door man and head for the train I walk threw the throng of people and for a moment I feel like I'm one of them But I'm not I never will be I'm Buffy summers the vampire slayer, I can try to convince myself I'm Buffy the LA socialite columnist and Novelist but I'm not.  
I get on the train take my usual Window seat I can her the train as It pulls off the steady um on the trick underneath the whispers of the people on there morning commute I rub my head from the pain In my eyes what Is It I don't know do I want to know I don't think so. It could be what killed her coming back to clamed me... what killed my mother all those years ago. I look out as we pass the LA Bridge and think about how far I have come my friends and I have created a slayers council for the girls In dedication to Angel and his team which died that day he didn't neither did Spike or Illyrian or Gunn he survive because he got trapped In the mud and It held his wounds closed till he was able to reach a hospital he survived I knew all this but I didn't know where Angel was. I have graduated College In conjunction with my sister from the Elite northwestern the dream college of mine built a carrier on what I do best writing books unsurpassed fiction to everyone abs out my true life experiences and doing a colon of psychology In the LA and Ohio journal my books have should over three million each and I'm banking over 300MIllIon so yeah I'm doing well for my self but I'm not happy because I haven't found him I miss him and I need him I sigh as I get off the train.

I go to the Publisher to take my next book In and stop off to the post office to send off my latest article and then to the journal to give the editor my latest article I go home sit at my desk and nothing comes to me because I'm tired board there Is no thrill to my life anymore believe It or not I miss It I fought so hard to get away from that life and I miss It. I go to my gym and work out as I do everyday not as much as I use too but enough to stay in shape I get a text about the party tonight what do I wear I go and get ready.  
the party was boring the same the only good Is my childhood friends were there we had rekindled In college and all had come up In the world all of them were either marred or marrying Into socialite states me It was boring I danced with Vincent he touched my but I didn't miss that I flirt but mostly I'm done with tonight as I'm leaving and saying good by I get a call from Willow

Buffy picked up and said "hey tell me you have something life threatening"

Willow said "yeah Apocalypse Now on the hell Mouth In Colorado"

Buffy said "I'll take a jet I'll be there tonight"

Buffy arrived In her hotel before dawn hours she was tired she had slept on the plane her chest hurt probably Indigestion from the airline food. she got that allot lately she looked around her hotel she liked It but It was not her nothing was now days she was bored with her life and what Is was she didn't want to go back but she didn't want to leave there was only one remedy but he wasn't even around what could she do.


	2. Chapter 2: Mirror of Acceptence

AN: _All flashbacks to episodes will only be the episode transcript dialog it is a lot less demanding that way_

Tuesday Dec 1  
she stood at the pharmacy center get her prescriptions from the doctor that the hospital had told her to take she put them In her bag turning to find Willow and Giles the last few days had been a blur

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Flashback *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
the battle had ended the fires were burning out the destructions she climbed from the pit a army of girls all over there were many casualties she saw willow coming over to her and she said "you okay"

Buffy swallowed hard body wavering "I... I don't know" her eyes her head began to throb as the pain shot from her head down to her heart and back again she looked at willow and then blacked out

she opened her eyes as she saw light past her above her head she was on a gurney In a hospital

she blacked out waking up again In what sounded to be an MRI Machine

she blacked out and woke up again In a ex-ray room on a table with a oxygen mask over her face and a cover over her stomach blacking out

she woke up In a hospital bed she waited to black out again and It didn't happen she turned over to find the doctor putting up the ex-rays and cat scans on the white board she sat up and said

"what Is going on"

she said "your Ina hospital I'm Doctor Murphy... your friends brought you In compiling of chest pain and head ache you were beaten up and bruises" she knew this the fight had been long and hard an had pushed her past her breaking point more then once she tried to focus on what the woman was saying as she pointed to the x-rays showing her "you have a blood clot here In the back of your brain.... It Is braking off and trading to your blood vessel In your heart closing them but your heart Is weak you have developed a murmur In your heart which makes It tricky to operate"

Buffy said "But you can fix It"

Doctor says "... there Is damage In your heart that can not be repaired"

Buffy said "from this clot traveling down through my body"

she said "from both that an the murmur the mere you seemed to have had at least five years I'm surprised you haven't know sooner"

Buffy asked "how long do I have"

Doctor said "any where from a week to a month but I don't think you'll make It passed Christmas, I'm sorry all I can do Is give you something to manage the pain and suggest you get things In order... again I am sorry, Is there anything I can do"

Buffy said "don't say anything to my friends about this"  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *End Flashback *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

she smiled walking over to them "hey"

Willow said "you okay"

Buffy smiled I need to be heading back I have allot of business to take care of back In LA before the holidays" she walked passed them

Giles said "not so fast we need to talk to you first"

Buffy looked at him say "about"

Giles said "Angel"

Willow said "we found him but we can't explain"

Giles said "you have to see"

Buffy said "okay take me too him, now please"

they took the elevator to the ICU floor Giles pointed she walks up the hallway she figured she could get him out of the way first and be able to cop with the rest later

she walked Into the room there were two beds Angel In bed one but he was also In the second bees both marred she looked at them and said "what the hell happened"

Willow said "he was In the fight with us he called us he need help and we knew you wanted to see him but things were going so bad he got hurt

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Flashback *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the fight was over the destruction burned from the nights battle there lying In a puddle of blood was Angel next to him was the same being bleeding a marred the question Is how

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *End Flashback *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Willow continued "we found him out there Spike did actually It was there first run In with each other he was hurt and we don't know how or what but we don't know which ones the real one"

Giles said "we believe one of them Is Angel and the other"

Buffy said "Angelus" she looked back "what do you want from me" they looked down and back

the doctor came In "oh your here thought you would have left"

Buffy said "your his... their doctor as well"

she put a new Iv on one saying "you know them"

Buffy looked down at one taking his hand and said "I use to date one of them... the question for the court Is which one"

she nodded and went to one of the beds checking the vitals then the other as she began to explain to her "they both have seemed to have suffered total cardiac arrest, we tried to revive them on the way In but there are no signs of cognitive response from either one... where waiting to see"

Buffy said "but that doesn't explain which ones My Angel"

Giles said "we were hoping you would know"

Buffy looked appalled as she walked over to there beds and went to one touched him looked at the other she walked over looking at each hospital bed emotionally torn

that night

_**I lay alone awake at night  
Sorrow fills my eyes**_

here I sit writing her manifesto, It the middle of the night and I can't sleep and I can't write to much attacking my brain at once literally and figuratively I look at the screen my last writing my will everything I ever wanted to say thinking about everything I have to do and the month I have to do It In and laugh to my self I may not even have that long to do It I could fall asleep tonight and never wake up again

_**But I'm not strong enough to cry  
Despite of my disguise**_

I'm tired so tired I rub my eyes getting up taking the two pill bottles out of my pose ling there condense on the table like a calendar of what I have to take each day and how many a sit there for a long time just looking not seeing just looking and It almost like I'm sitting here looking at my self and saying this It what my life has come to It's ending and I don't even get a choice the pills mock me showing just how much time I have as there grid shows me a time line that counts down to my doom I laugh at the Irony of It the slayer she can't be killed In battle but a life threading Illness that's got me pegged I'm angry

_**I'm left with no shoulder  
But everyone wants to lean on me**_

frustrated I ball my fist up pounding It against my forehead while I close my eyes I want to throw them In the floor as If It will erase the death sentence layer at my feet I open my eyes and for one moment one single solitary moment I think about taking them all everyone of them and ending It here and now.

_**I guess I'm their soldier.  
Well, who's going to be mine**_

then I think about them my friends family Dawn but most of all never getting to say goodbye to Angel I can't I brush them back Into there containers leavening out one dose to take now I take It and find myself tired I roll over to sleep but sleep won't come I see the charismas light outside tm window and I remember

_**Who's there to save the hero  
When she's left all alone  
And she's crying out for help.**_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Flashback *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ANGEL: I bet half the kids down there are already awake. Lying In their beds... sneaking downstairs... waiting for day.

BUFFY: Angel, please. I need for you to get inside. The- there's only a few minutes left.

ANGEL: I know. I can smell the sunrise long before it comes.

BUFFY: I don't have time to explain this. You just have to trust me. That thing that was haunting you...

ANGEL: It wasn't haunting me. It was showing me.

BUFFY: Showing you?

ANGEL: What I am.

BUFFY: Were.

ANGEL: And ever shall be. I wanted to know why I was back. Now I do.

BUFFY: You *don't* know. Some great evil takes credit for bringing you back and you buy it? You just give up?

ANGEL: I can't do it again, Buffy. I can't become a killer.

BUFFY: Then fight it.

ANGEL: It's too hard.

BUFFY: Angel, please, you *have* to get Inside.

ANGEL: It told me to kill you. You were in the dream. You know. It told me to lose my soul in you and become a monster again.

BUFFY: I know what it told you. What does it matter?

ANGEL: Because I wanted to! Because I want you so badly! I want to take comfort in you, and I know it'll cost me my soul, and a part of me doesn't care. Look, I'm weak. I've never been anything else. It's not the demon in me that needs killing, Buffy. It's the man.

BUFFY: You're weak. Everybody Is. Everybody fails. Maybe this evil did bring you back, but If It did, it's because it needs you. And that means that you can hurt It. Angel, you have the power to do real good, to make amends. But if you die now, then all that you ever were was a monster. Angel, please, the sun is coming up!

ANGEL: Just go.

BUFFY: I won't!

ANGEL: What, do you think this is simple? You think there's an easy answer? You can never understand what I've done! Now go!

BUFFY: You are not staying here. I won't let you!

ANGEL: I said LEAVE!

He jerks his arm free of her grasp. In her anger and desperation Buffy punches him. He reacts by shoving her away from him roughly, making her fall face forward, hard to the ground.

ANGEL: (quietly to himself) Oh, my God...

BUFFY: No! No!

ANGEL: Am I a thing worth saving, huh? Am I a righteous man? The world wants me gone!

BUFFY: (tearfully) what about me? I love you so much... And I tried to make you go away... I killed you and it didn't help. (Crying) And I hate it! I hate that It's *so* hard... and that you can hurt me *so* much. I know everything that you did, because you did it to me. Oh, God! I wish that I wished you dead. I don't. (Whispers) I can't.

ANGEL: Buffy, please. Just this once... let me be strong.

BUFFY: Strong is fighting! It's hard, and it's painful, and it's every day. It's what we have to do. And we can do it together. But if you're too much of a coward for that, then burn. If I can't convince you that you belong in this world, then I don't know what can. But do *not* expect me to watch. And *don't* expect me to mourn for you, because...

(Snow falls...)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *End Flashback *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**_who's there to save the hero  
who's there to save the girl…  
After she saves the world  
After she saves the world_**

I drift off In to a tireless sleep hoping the morning will bring me clarity


	3. Chapter 3

Wednesday Dec 2

Buffy did wake at 6 am with her clarity she ordered room service and got to work making her list of who she wanted to speak to and what she wanted to say by nine she was calling her lawyer and her new therapist they had set her up with In LA she had a few request

they arrived with In a few hours The therapist said. "nice to meet you Miss Summers"

Buffy said "did you bring what I asked"

he said "one camera and up to thirty hour long tapes"

Buffy nodded "thank you "I'm writing a Will but I want to do a audio and video journal of this last month the fist tape I want to take the time to say good by and the second tape I want to leave my Will the rest are for you to record our sessions" give a copy to my lawyer.

she turned to her lawyer "I need you to make sure this Is edited and put out there as a Indent project, along with my book I still have my column and I'm going to but In that I will no longer be writing for them In three weeks, what Is wrong and why and I will ask for a full article ten to twenty page article about this and about my psyche during It."

He agreed the therapist said "would you like to start now"

she said "yeah I do...but first I want you Dr."

he said "Myer... Jonathan Myer"

Buffy said "thank you Dr Myer...I would like you to travel with me over the next month while I do this I have a lot to do and I can't do It all sitting In one place can you accommodate me In that way I can pay for your hotel stays and the Inconvenience to you"

he said "thank you I can, If that what you need... shall we begin"

Buffy nodded "yes"

Buffy smiled at the camera "HI guys I don't know how to say this so I'm just going to say It If your watching this I have passed away... wow that was hard to say" she looked at the camera

"Dawn... you are my sister and I love you, I know If your looking at this your probably very passed at me right now, I don't blame you, after loosing mom and loosing me once" she glanced at the therapist and back at the camera "I love you Dawn I do I gave you a life over my own when she dies I just got mine back and you know It's Ironic I'm going to die now, I don't want you to moron for me I want you to move on with your life have a life live keep the group together... love and live and remember I'm always here for you In your heart" she touché her own laughing to herself "Love you Dawnie so much" she was choked up they stopped

"Willow... you are my best friend, you saved my life again and again you were there when my heart was broken we cried on each others shoulder I watched you grow as a woman a person from that awkward scared teen agar to the woman that takes no flack I would hope you got that strength from me... through hard times through the good and the bad and I love you... but you can't save me this time only a miracle can be strong and I love you"

"Xander... And, you were my best friend mad me laugh when I wanted to cry supported me when I had no will to go talk some sense Into when I need to hear It, you literally saved my life but this... you can't save me from, but I know you love me you loved me when all I could see was..." she couldn't say his name "you know who I'm talking about but you mean allot you guys can go on without me you all can an you will just know that I love you so much"

"Giles... you were my friend my father and my enemy all In one but most of all you were a friend when I need It... an enemy to when I need It you got on my nerves but you were a better dad then my own father and I will always thank you with that you are there for me you got me Ice cream when my heart was broken you've been there for years and would drop everything to come to my aid, can't aid me In this I love you and bye"

"Arlene my favorite auntie... you took care of me In college over theses past few years you took care of Dawn when ever she visited you were a family to me and a mother to me sense my mother Is now gone and I love you for It helped me so much and I will make sure your more then taken care of when I'm gone I Love you, bye"

"My friends from LA Mimi you and Faith are my sisters from the bad side I could go out an be wild with you two and I love It, Isabel your like my Willow and best friend In my newts turns In my life your my high school sorority sisters for life Rachel your my best buddy you all keep me sane I thank you I'm going to miss you, and you better not cry for me like we cried for nick that promise me that love you much... kisses"

"Hank my dad... you haven't been there for me not when I need you most you left me hanging and I hated you for It but now you know what I forgive you I have to I'm not going to die with that on my conscious... Wish I could say I love you but I don't you're my dad I forgive you... Bye" the lawyer said "Is that It"

Buffy said "for now"

that night I complete her newest entry took her pills and laid down she was tired she didn't think she would be so tired so soon she didn't want to think her getting tired was a sign that death maybe closer

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Dream sequence *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Buffy was In a Christmas tree lot It was winter It was England she looked at the sky as the sun went down a hand swiped hers she looked over "Angel"

he smiled "the one and only"

she said "your here"

he said "In a way"

she said "what happen where have you been"

he said "I can't tell you that"

she said as they started walking "do you know"

he said "that your dying... here yes, when I wake up I won't know"

she said "where Is here"

he said "your mind" he walked around her pointing look

she said "at what"

he leaned over her shoulder "the future"

Giles said "wow It's been two years"

Willow said "I know, we need to get a nice sized tree In the office"

Giles said "you have to stop blaming your self there was nothing we could have done"

Willow said "I know But Dawn she was so heart broken after"

he said "we should Invite her"

Willow said "she's not going to come"

he said "try she knees to move on and so does he"

Willow nodded "Angel... he's been so lost sense she passed"

Buffy said "you are"

he said "you know me well enough to know I will be"

Buffy said "why we hadn't seen each other In years"

he said "I know, but that never matter the fact of you actually being alive matter to me more then anything"

she said "how"

he said "I faced a vampire that wanted to kill my true love at the time you were gone you know what I said to him I told him you were dead and Cordelia Is said"

she heard his voice radiating through her head 'I'm O... I *am* Okay... That I'm okay. That losing Buffy didn't kill me that I could deal with it. In all those years no one ever mattered, not like she did. And now she's gone. Forever... and I feel like I'm betraying her some how'

she opened her eyes "you felt that way then"

he said as they walked down the alley "later I will feel this"  
***

she looked as Angel walked the streets looking like a homeless man but he wasn't he had just stopped caring since she was gone he stopped caring pulled away from everyone he cared about because they always got her It was a easy way to live.

she said "whey are you showing me this"

he said "this Is our Christmas after your gone"

she said "not the same... welcome to It's my wonderful life"

he said "be careful how you say goodbye"  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *End Dream sequence *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	4. Denial

Thursday Dec 3

she woke up her alarm was going off she had a flight In two hours to Illinois so It begins.  
She had breakfast with Willow and Giles and assured them she would be back in a few days call her if anything happened with Angel Giles was in research.  
***

she made a stop at the hospital  
she visits Angel laying In the hospital bed next to him

she was on the private jet Dr Myers said "would you like to get today's session over with"

she said "yeah, I have nothing better to do the whole flight"

he said "tell me about your aunt and this visit what It means to you"

Buffy said "my aunt, she Is like my best friend her and my mother always were close I can remember times she would come visit and all the fun we had just being the girls she means a lot to me, you know I always thought that when I got older and decide to marry she would be there for me..." she fiddled with her bracelet "but she's not...because I never will... get married"

he said "and that hurts you"

she sniffled saying "I always had this picture In my head It was always suppose to be me and my first love"

he said "who"

Buffy laughed "the guy Ironically laying In the hospital bed fighting for his life back there In Colorado"

he said "you really loved him"

she said "yeah but more then that he really loved me he left me years ago to grow up and find my way In life and I did and I have and then only to find that he's fighting for his life and I'm loosing mine It's Ironic"

he said "do you want to stop for today"

she said "yeah"

he flight reached Illinois In record time she got off the plane a car was waiting for her and she went to her aunts house she walked up the steps and knocked on the door she answered "Buffy"

Buffy smiled "Aunt Arlene"

she said "come In come In" they went Into the kitchen she hugged her, she said "wow It's such a surprise to see you how have you been"

Buffy sat "good I've been better"

Arleen said "how do you mean"

Buffy shook her head "nothing I'm only going to be In town today I just wanted to spend the day with you"

Arlene said "what do you want to do"

Buffy said "lets go to lunch" they went to lunch and went to the store and came back made a Christmas cake she was going to take with her and she help her aunt and Uncle decorate there house and tree and they told old stories all day she elf that night she Insisted In staying at a hotel for the night

she meets her aunt on the stair well Arleen said "before I want to know what's really going on tell me"

Buffy said "I wish I could but I can't"

she said "are you In trouble"

Buffy said "no... just not feeling all that great, and wanted to see my Family"

she hugged her good bye "I love me call me don't be a stranger"

Buffy smiled sadly "goodbye"

I got to my hotel room I was so tired but I had a lot on my mine and I knew sleep was not going to come easy I went out to the balcony looked out a crossed the city I had been to may cities all there landscaped looked the same just light placing and structure looked different I swung one leg over the balcony and then the other and sat there teetering on the edge It was a metaphor for my life me teetering on the edge. I looked out at the city listening to the rural sounds I opened the pilled bottle I kept In my sweater tapped two pills In my hand my chest hurt tossed them In my mouth and swallowed them with my saliva closed my eyes for a long moment letting the breeze of the cool night air was over me I went Inside writing my manifesto of my day and feelings getting up and heading for bed  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Dream sequence *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Buffy found herself standing on the street outside of a house she walked up to It and up the stairs to her left with his legs propped up on the swing bench sat Angel "I was waiting for you"

she said "so are you here to torment my dreams because I can't have you In real life"

he said coming to stand In front of her "I'm only here because you want me here"

she said "you never loose your cryptic humor... so why are we here"

he said "look Inside and see" she sty on the bench and peered In the window she saw Dawn holding a baby a man who she assumed to be her husband

Dawn said "how are you doing Angel"

he said "I'm okay"

Dawn said "you don't act like It"

he said "because I'm okay I feel like I'm"

Dawn said "betraying her"

she sat down next to him Willow took the baby "she would want you to move on Angel you deserve to move on"

Angel said "I know, It just feels like"

Giles leaned against the door way "If you move on your letting her go"

Angel said "I'm the only one that never got to say good bye to her"

Giles said "no none of us did she did allow us that"

Dawn said "she left us a video Angel we all would have much rather heard It from her"

Angel said "It's just hard"

she turned to look at Angel "you trying to tell me I should tell them"

he said "I'm just a figment of your Imaginations If anyone Is telling you that It's you"

she looked back at the group It was everyone that was on her list of goodbyes she just couldn't do It she said "I can't"

he watched her go and said "Denial It the first step"  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *End Dream sequence *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	5. Chapter 5

Friday Dec 4

Ohio

She arrive In Ohio where Xander was now working with Faith on a case she went to there hotel Faith opened the door she said "hey B"

Buffy smiled "hey"

Xander said coming over to her In s silly way "threes my Buffy" she laughed she was going to miss that.

Buffy said "what you guys doing"

Faith said "tracking biddies"

she said "can we go to Brunch"

Xander said "as long as your paying how long you staying"

Buffy said "just today got to go to Italy to see Dawn... then Giles and my dad before I go back to Colorado"

Xander said "you going to the Christmas party"

she smiled "you bet" she lied

Buffy looked at her friend

That night  
she was In her hotel room with her therapist he said "you ready"

she said "yeah... Xander what can I say about him but he makes me laugh he's a barrel of laughter" she started playing with her charm bracelet again mocking up and down her arm she looked aback at the camera "god I'm going to miss them... Faith Is like my sister from another mother I look at her and see what my life could have been If I a had chosen another path... she reeled me In the first time I met her she was dark she took no crap she was free of all ties and I wanted that and I rebelled"

he said "you don't seemed to be that way now"

she looked at him down and back "no not anymore I had my wild days and believe me when I say had my wild days they were wild would have put Faiths bad days to shame and you know I started to hate her for a long time I hated her and now were cool, were comfortable and I would even call her my friend" My eyes are starting to throb I said "can we stop here for tonight"

he nodded "you don't look well"

she said "I'm dieing and you're point"

he said "let me take your pressure"

she shrugged and he went to her taking her arm and pressing It at her pulls counting the beats and said "It's a little high take you pills and rest you had a long day"

I let him out and I shut the door sliding down the door and felt my heart race and wonder If this is how it's going to feel when It ends, I reached over to the table grabbed my pills and took them got up getting some water and going to craw In the bed I know I have along flight for tomorrow she laid down and looked out the window until she drifted off to sleep

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Dream sequence *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Buffy was standing In the hall way of Dawns house she said "what am I"

Angel was leaning on the wall next to her "you need to see this"

she said "what" she looked In the other room and saw Angel come and a blonde woman  
"she's pretty"

Angel said "just watch" she did as he spun the woman around to him and kissed her

the woman said "what was that for"

Angel said "because I'm happy you came"

Nina said "I'm your girl why wouldn't I come... I brought wine"

he said "Merlo"

Dawn came bye smiling "oh wine I'll put this on Ice... hope you have a nice time your so cute together" she took the wine In the kitchen

Angel said "aren't we though... and I though how after I screwed up you would never want to see me again"

she said "I almost didn't and probably wouldn't If Giles hadn't brought me In to redecorate the building and you were so convincing with your brooding act"

Angel said "I had brooded long enough I was hurt I lost a lot of the people I cared about and tithe one woman I loved more then anything at the time but after she was gone I was lost you found me"

She said "I would be happy to do It again"

Buffy looked at the scenes and remembered when he use to look at her like that she said "why are you showing me this"

he said "you know you want to know"

Buffy said "Is this my dream or something else I feel like I'm In the Christmas carol but I have never been the scrooge, your making me one though"

Angel said "this your dream I am a part of It and the powers are giving you a bit of a window Into the future and I'm your guide"

Buffy said "so this Is what will happen"

Angel said "you need to come to terns and accept and know everyone will be okay..."

she looked down "with out me"

Angel said "but what you really need to know Is I will be okay and I will move on"

she said "with out me"

he hugged her "with out you"  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *End Dream sequence *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	6. Chapter 6

Saturday Dec 5

she woke up that morning and laid there her mine was racing all over the place they would be okay without her she got up

on the plane the therapist sat the camera and the recorder down on the table she said "Dawn... what do I say about her she's my baby sister I remember being a little girl I was about six when they brought her home from the hospital and I remember vowing to protect her for ever she Is my baby sister but I can't protect her from this"

he said "do you think your doing the wrong thing"

she leaned on her hand and said "no I remember what Is was like when I had to tell her mom was dead someone going to have tell her that and I can't do It I can't live with her looking at me and hating me till I'm dead"

he asked "or are you hoping someone will save you In the last minute"

she said "a part of me wish... nothing"

he came to sit next to her say "what do you wish"

she said "I wish Angel would save me, he always came In the nick of time to save me before I just wish he could now"

he said "that will be all for today" she nodded looking out the window "we should be landing soon

Buffy went to Dawns Dorm she went to her room she answered the door she said "hey"

Dawn said "Buffy"

Buffy said "I'm In town for business and I have to leave In the morning I was hoping we could talk"

Dawn said "sure, let me get my coat... we can take a walk In the quad"

Buffy said "sure"

the sun had gone down Dawn said "so what's up"

Buffy said "just had a lot on my mind"

Dawn said "you can tell me"

Buffy said "I haven't been feeling well as of late"

she said "Is It serious"

Buffy shook her head "no, just tired that all"

Dawn said "have you heard from Angel"

Buffy said "he's In the hospital Dawn he's on life support"

Dawn looked at her In shock "he's going to be aright"

she knew from her reaction to that she couldn't take anything more detrimental she said "he's going to be okay the problem Is that he was split and we don't know which one Is which and there both in aroma"

Dawn said "do they think It could be like what happened to Xander"

Buffy gave her a knowing look "they think one of them could be a human Angelus, and the other Is Angel"

Buffy looked at her "we won't know which until he wakes up" they grabbed some coffees and they were walking back she saw a homeless man she walked over to him and opened his hand paling 5 hundred dollars In his hand and walked back to Dawn

she said "what was that for"

Buffy said "It's Christmas I'm feeling generous lets go"

she dropped dawn off and took a car to her favorite park and went and sat Ina treed and looked at the brilliant bright lights and thought about that last Christmas In Sunnydale  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Flashback *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
GILES: This place you originally saw The First? You say it was In a Christmas tree lot?

BUFFY: Under It. There was a hidden cavern. Just happened to be under a tree lot. The Bringers were doing some kind of ritual. Giles, this is bad, Isn't It? A new kind of bad.

GILES: Just In time for Christmas.

BUFFY: You know, I didn't even realize it was December. Maybe when we get home, we should decorate the rubble. Think you'll ever show up for a real visit? The kind where the world isn't about to end?

GILES: If we survive this, I promise.

BUFFY: Good. 'Cause I miss you.

GILES: I miss you too.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *End Flashback *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	7. Chapter 7

she smiled as It started to snow that reminder her of her and Angels walk Christmas of 1998 all the snow It saved his life that morning she would never forget that day It was bittersweet

Sunday Dec 6  
She went back home to LA she called her Father he had Meeting all day but he fit her In for a early brunch

she said "Hank"

he said "why did you call me"

she said "nice to see you too"

he said "what did you want"

she said "you know what I thought for a second I was going to save you the pain let you find out later but your a real honoree bastard so I guess I'll tell you like this I have a blood clot In my brain and unrepeatable heart damage and I'm going to be dead before Christmas just though it would come here and tell so you wouldn't find out like everyone else Is but you probably wouldn't have notice you haven't seen me In so long anyway merry Christmas Dad"

she got up and walked away he said "Buffy"

she turned "what" crossing her arms

he said "your serous"

she said "no dad I came all this way to see your face... yes"

he said "this Is a sad trick for attention" she slapped turning and walking out.  
***

My pressure was through the roof my head and eyes were throbbing I hope I had over done It I breathed In and calmed down went and got some foot took my pills got on the train and headed to my home on the way she passed the old Hyperion that had be rebuilt. She got off and went in she went in and went down into the basement It was still abandoned there had been one owner sense It was rebuilt but they sold It to someone that was not keeping It up.

she looked It over and found a letter In one of the upstairs rooms and she dusted It off and saw Angels hand writing she though "how did he know" had he been the one to buy It back

she took the envelope home and opened It was a thick tombstone like book she opened It up It was a scrap book and journal she looked though his things found some old photos prom photos In the middle and a photo of her she photo fell out she reached down and searched for It and hit some metal she bent down It was a ring laying on the floor she picked It up and looked at It dusting It off It was hers he Claddagh ring broke down covering her face holding It to her heart as If It could heal It and curled up In his bed


	8. Chapter 8

Monday Dec 7  
Buffy flew In early that morning to Colorado she went to see Angel first and It was raining she went to the headquarters she knew Giles well enough to know he be In the library area researching and she did see him but she saw the piano she went to It and sat she had always wanted to lean she played with the keys she looked out the window and saw him out side a crossed the gardens

she went outside "Giles"

he looked up and said "your back"

she said "yeah came In this morning to see Angel"

he said "you wanted to talk about what I found"

she said "I wanted to help you research... then maybe go out to dinner tonight"

he said "need to figure this out"

she said "please"

he said "okay"

***  
they went to dinner she said "thanks"

he said "what was this for.... because It occurs to me In all the years we've know each other you never wanted to go out to dinner with me before or after you got rich"

she said "oh I know... need to talk"

he said "about"

she said "In the odd case something might happen to me I need you to work with my lawyer and see that all my fiancés go to where I want them to"

he said "but your not going to be going any where I mean now more then ever with the fact you don't have to fight any more"

she gave him a look and he said "your sick aren't you"

Buffy said "no"

he said "your dieing" she didn't answer she just looked at him


	9. Chapter 9

Tuesday Dec 8

Buffy went to the hospital early that morning and stayed there all day she did her therapy there she said "you know we broke up god what was It 11 years ago we've see each other In travels a few times over the years we've worked together we always had a relationship that was much more different more Intimate then a friendship even after the relationship was over"

she leaned on his bed and Intertwined her fingers resting her mouth on them looked towards him but not at him "It was like every time we saw each other after the break up we had such an Instant under standing" she laughed cleaning back In her chair "don't get me wrong really we but heads In these past 11 years but we had enough of an Intimate understand we always came out of It smiling and had happy goodbyes"

he said "because you still loved each other"

she smiled "yeah... I think It was always because we felt later on In our lives we would be together"

he said "and now that you know that you aren't"

she said "do I know that... we may not be together In this life but In another we could get our happy end"

she walked over and sat In the corner "I have to believe that I have to" she played with the ring she had found now on her left ring finger "It makes It easier"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Dream sequence *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
she was at the Christmas party she wore her read dress she went over to Willow and Giles he said "you ness Angel"

she said "no I haven't"

Willow said "no I haven't Nina probably made him late"

Buffy said "Nina"

Angel tapped her on the shoulder "you do know they can't see you"

Buffy said "how Is It that this Is my dream and they can't see me"

Angel said "your dream you tell me... you care to dance"

Buffy said "with you no... but I can"

he took her hand and said "now don't be like that... just watch the show" he whispered In her ear she turned In his arms and saw her Angel coming In arms wrapped around this other woman he looked happy like he had with her

she turned to face him "I can't watch this"

he folded his arms "It's your dream In your head you stop then" he snapped "oh that right the powers sent this to you just like me so watch"

she turned to see him kissing her he said "I have a surprise for you"

Nina said "you do"

Buffy said "no"

her guide Angel said "yes"

he took out a ring box as the group was preparing a toast she watched him propose to her and give her a ring

Buffy said "It's a small and has a regular diamond In It"

her guide Angel said "because If It was you he would have gone through a lot more trouble for you because you even at this point In time run his life you he would have gotten a Claddagh ring from Irelands In gold and made It with you birthstones and large diamond heart In the middle and Inscribed It.

she said "how did you this"

he gave her a look she looked back and covered her mouth "he already has It"

he said "yeah"

***  
the scene flipped they found themselves In a bedroom In a house she had never seen that night and he went Into a the too me turned the light on undoing his tie going to the draw unlocking It opened It took out a ring box going and locking the door opening and there was her ring he took It out looking at It and there was a wedding band that would fit Into that had to be specially made for It he held them In his hand he sniffled tear ran down his eye he looked up "good bye Buffy" he put the rings back and went to throw them In the waste basket

she said "NO"

he held It looking away In the distance then turning In her direction like he saw her then he opened the drawer and put It back

her guide Angel said "well, you want him to hold onto that pain"

she said "I know what I have to do"  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *End Dream sequence *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	10. Chapter 10

Wednesday Dec 9

she woke up sitting on the floor she could see out of the window the sun coming threw the window she got up stretching and walked over to the beds and said not focusing on either of them looking Into space "I missed you so much... I have missed hearing your voice... I dream about it...I wake up some nights and can't remember what you sound like"

the one to her left said In a scratchy voice "you to so did I"

she looked at him "Angel?" he looked at her she looked In his eyes she couldn't read him "wait a minute I'll go get the doctor... don't talk"

the doctor examined him; Dr Murphy explained "there's nothing physical to explain slight disorientation and memory loss"

she came to the door and said "Angel"

he got up and hugged her and said "Buffy what happened... I don't remember"

she looked in his eyes and she couldn't read him "please don't..." she looked at the other bed and back saying nervously "...don't touch me"

Buffy said "why are you doing this where did you come from what happen can you explain that to me"

Angel said "you think I'm Angelus... I'm not him"

she walked over to the other hospital bed and looked at It turning to face him "then explain this"

he walked over to the other bed and saw his own face staring back at him he rubbed his head and said "I don't remember"

Buffy said "then do me a favor.... call me when you figure It out" she walked out

My heart was pounding In her ears and my head was hurting I was dizzy I didn't know whether I was having a panic attack or a heart attack I leaned on the counter breathing heavy I felt the tears on my face people were touching me I must have screamed because they were putting me In a chair they checked my pressure I took my meds I had skipped last nights dose I had forgot sitting there talking to them him and now he's awake and here I am running from him I'm tired I refused anymore treatment and went back to my hotel.

I picked up the phone and called out "he's awake"

Willow said "he Is... It's Angel"

Buffy said "I don't know he says he Isn't but I don't know I couldn't read him"

Willow said "you picking him up tomorrow"

Buffy said "yeah they need to hold him for the day... look I have a lot of work I have to do so I'll talk to you later"

Willow said "okay"

Buffy said "dinner"

Willow said "sure"

Buffy said "love you Wills"

she said "Bye Buffy"

the therapist said "you want to talk now"

she had been sitting there for a long time quiet In her head she said eyes glazed and unfocused "he's awake" she leaned back "this Is what I wanted I wanted him to wake up so I could say goodbye but now"

he said "It makes It to real"

she said "If I say goodbye to him It would hurt I know It would, I've been having dreams and my last I saw him bursting Into tears holding my wedding band and engagement ring he had already made for me crying and this mind never cries never shows that much emotion but about me and for me he did "

he said "It was only a dream" I look at him and I knew It wasn't everything I saw In that dream was the truth of what was to happen In the future Ian could stop It I just don't want to I want to stay In my happy place of pleasantly not coping with him with any of It for a moment for a moment I'll tell him If he's actually him, maybe If I create this notion he Isn't I can stall I know that what I'm doing I don't care I looked at him and say playing with my bracelet

I smile "yeah It was just a dream"


	11. Anger

Thursday Dec 10

I walk In the rain under my red umbrella yesterday after the session I worked slept had a fitful sleep no dreams this morning here I am In the ran going for breakfast before I go back to the hospital then It hits me oh my god Willow I forgot all about dinner last night. I feel tired all of a sudden as I rush to grab my phone and call my friend It rings "come on Will... pick up... oh don't pick up and then I don't have to face the fact I screwed up.... hey Will"

Willow said "you stood me up"

Buffy said "sorry I fell sleep after working on my article and when I woke up It was morning"

Willow said "not mad, you want breakfast"

I look at the bag of breakfast In my hand and said "sure" I smile Angel will eat It I think

Willow said "what happened you've been acting weird since our last battle"

Buffy said "don't I have a good reason... Angel came back and then there was too of him that was a world wind and now he's awake my head Is off somewhere and I have work I have to finish I'm a busy beaver"

Willow said "you sure there's nothing else"

Buffy said "you know what after breakfast I'll go square things way with Angel and we'll have a girls day"

Willow gave her a look "yeah so you can avoided him"

Buffy said "no I want a girl day with my best friend that I don't see that often because of the fact I work so much so come on today Is my last day I'm heading back to LA With Angel... come on"

Willow said "okay"

she got to the hospital her started beating she breathed In and regulated her heart went In his room he was dress he hair was long and pulled back In a ponytail she had got him close and her lawyer dropped them off the night before he was sitting on the bed looking at the other one she said "you ready to go"

he said "yeah were are we going"

she said "your going to my hotel room to talk to my therapist"

he said "you have a therapist"

she said "yeah he's helping with some work I'm doing"

he said "and you think he can help me"

she said "yeah break through your mind and maybe help you figure out why there still another one of you In that room" she went and signed all his papers "okay"

he said "I think... but I notice you won't look at me"

she said "no I don't" she was walking away

he said "then stop and look at me"

she did stopping standing next to the car looking at him "happy"

he touched her face and made her focus on him "look at me" she did he glared "your still unsure aren't you, that why you won't look me In my eyes because your afraid you may see I'm not him and you don't want that"

she slapped his hand away from her face getting In the car he got In on the passages side and they headed to the hotel.

they got to the hotel It was foggy afternoon she stopped the hotel and stopped the car In the parking spot putting It In park he looked at her "yes" they sat In the car together for a long moment then she said "you remember that day... the day I came to LA something happen before I went back It wasn't a 10 minute conversation what happened"

he said "thanksgiving"

she said "so you do remember something"

he said "about you yes"

she said "well"

he said "you stayed the whole day we did kill the demon the quick we followed It Into the sewers we split up the demon attacked me cut my had It was a Mora It had regenerative properties It turned me human" he glanced at her "we spent the day together In my bed room then I found out the demon wasn't dean I didn't wanna wake you so I tried to face It myself luckily Cordelia had a loose tongue and you got there just In time to kill the demon and save me you held me and the next morning I went to the oracles and asked them to take It back the day turned back and you remember the rest"

she looked In his eyes she touched his face and leaned over to kiss him looking In his eyes and because she still couldn't read them she pulled back

he said "you don't trust me"

she touch his face again "I know"


	12. Chapter 12

Friday Dec 11

I spent the day with Willow when I got In he was sleep I had my therapy session a did a bit of writing before I went to bed got up early this mooring we got breakfast and we all got on the jet he went back to sleep at he at and I did some writing and did my therapy In the other room

we go to my apartment went up the elevator she said "oh I forgot to mention I have dog"

he said "you do"

she said "yes and she hates strangers" I opened the door the little white dog that came about up to his made cafe standing came over to her she hugged It and It snapped at him like he was a burglar she said "Angela stop"

he said "you named that dog Angela"

she said "what she's sweet she just don't you

she took him upstairs and pointed to the room "this Is where your stay.... I have some things for, this Is you bed goodnight... welcome to your new life I'm not a part of It" she walked out he went to follow her but the dog was In the door and he growled

I walked to down stair went to the furrier doors and opened then curtains looked out and opened the door and let the air In I closed my eyes and let my mind drift as I rolled my head loosening my neck muscles I was tense anyone In my position would be he back and he's here In my house and I didn't wanna be any where near him I knew why If I let myself get close I'll fall again and so will he and I can't do that not now not this close I can't

laying alone awake that night It's LA It's hot and all you get her Is a cool breeze I can't sleep with him just down the hall so I do something I haven't done In a long time I go down for a swim I change and go to the Indoor pool un lock It and the water Is shining I take a towel and put It In the side stretcher dive In swim to one end and back I come up for air stop and then think take air In and go under looking I let my mind drift away listen to my heart and fell the pressure build and It feels euphoric I start to drift wending If this how It's going to feel I must have almost black out I heard the surface of the water break then someone pulled me out of the water everything was spinning then I found myself face to face with him "what the hell were you doing trying to kill yourself"

I look him In the eye and then I still couldn't read him maybe I just had lost It I said "no I don't know I was swimming and I guess while I was under my mind wondered and I forgot to come up for air"

he said helping her up "you don't need to be swimming If your going to be doing that"

she said "I'm tired"

he said "come on I'll help you to bed... that's If your dog lets me" I smiled at him as he wraps me In the towel and cares me upstairs I was out cold before we got to the top of the stairs.


	13. Chapter 13

Saturday Dec 12

I'm on the train going to see Dr Myzer In his office I'm not tired for once I got a good night sleep last night I guess because he was there I may deny It up and down that I want him there but I really do and I bet this Is the topic of today's session

he said "shall we start"

she said "okay, he stayed with me last night"

he said "are you happy about that"

she said "I went swimming and I couldn't sleep I nearly drowned and he saved me I was 't trying to kill myself I just had a lot on my mind I forgot to come up for air literally but once we spoke he wrapped me In towel and cared me upstairs and I went to sleep and I actually slept well"

he said "but there's a problem"

she said "I can't get close If I let myself get close then the only out come Is we both get hurt I can't hurt him... I just can't"

he said "then what are you going to do"

she lean forward on her hands "that's just It I don't know"

she got home she was tired she went up the steps and walked passed Angel room he came Into the hall "I remembered something"

she was walking toward her bedroom she turned "what"

Angel said "remember Mexico, remember you went I told you I wouldn't meet you, but I did anyway It rained, we danced and It was the best week of our lives"

she shouted "why are you doing this"

Angel said "because I have no choice, this Is what I remember of my life... and that us together I know nothing else"

I went to my room left the dog at the door It was mean because I knew she would keep him away was looking my grip I was starting to get sir crazy, I sat army computer typed notes and typed on my manifesto. I took my medication I went and got a Merlo and drank about half of the bottle I didn't care that I wasn't suppose to mix alcohol with this medication what was It going to do kill me big whoop It beat the blood clot to the punch.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Dream sequence *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I was sitting at the bar In my straw hat when his hands came over my eyes "guess who"

I said "cute looking cabaña boy I saw when I came In because the tall dark an handsome vampire I left In town said he wasn't coming his loss and your gain"

Angel said "yeah I guess It Is"

I looked at him "you came"

Angel said "I did because what can I say I'm addicted to you"

I smiled "ready to have some fun"

Angel smiled "you bet I am" we had dinner poker carnivals room service casinos and all sort of fun an that afternoon It ran we chanced It on the fact It was raining so hard and went out side we ran around In the ran we had so much fun that week  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *End Dream sequence *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	14. Chapter 14

Sunday Dec 13

Buffy woke up with tears In her eyes she went down stairs and she started breakfast and I went to the mantle and picked up the same old picture of the gang I got woozy and dropped It

_**You are not alone  
Dear loneliness  
You forgot  
But I remember this  
**_  
I just couldn't hold It my body was getting week I breathed In hard I was getting weaker by the day I knew It I bend down to clean It up. Angel said "let me help you"

Buffy looked up at him "thank you"

he went In the kitchen and get her broom and swept It up "you knocked It over"

she said "no I dropped It my hands got weak and It slipped"

_**Oh stranger stranger  
Stranger things have happened, I know  
Oh, oh  
Oh, oh  
**_  
he said "are you okay" she didn't answer she just went out on the forier to the balcony and crawled onto the ledge

he came out she was playing with her hands "you okay"

she shook her head "nope... haven't been for a while"

he questioned "your sIck"

_**I am not alone  
Dear loneliness  
I forgot  
That I remember this**_

she looked at him he saw how dark the circle were around her eyes and how pale she was he could see It clearly put here In the light "oh Buffy... whets wrong" she went back In and went In the bathroom she took the two pill bottles out sitting them on the counter and looked at herself In the mirror

_**You are not alone**_  
_Dear loneliness  
You forgot  
_  
hr picked up the bottles he red the label on was a blood thinner and one was a pain killer he said "what Is"

_**But I remember this  
Oh stranger stranger  
Stranger things have happened, I know**_

she said "I'm dieing"

they ate and spent the day together they now stood on her balcony she said "about two weeks ago after the battle I was diagnosed with an In operable heart condition and a blood clot In my brain where It Is It can't be removed but the clot Is moving down my spin and clotting the valves In my heart medical speak for your going to die and no one knows when I can have a brain aneurism or a heart attack or both were just counting the day"

_**I am not alone  
Dear lonely miss  
I forgot  
That I remember this**_

she looked at him scratching her head "I'm not supposed to make to Christmas" looking at the sky as the sun started to set, he came up behind her and touched her arm she grabbed his wrist taking It off and looking at him "I don't need your pity.

_**Oh stranger stranger  
Stranger things have happened, I know  
Oh, oh  
Oh, oh  
**_  
***

I going to the bathroom and looking In the mirror what I see Is the spirit what use to be me I noticed the dark circles coming around my eyes and the paleness coming last week I look like a dieing woman which I am but If I keep busy maybe just maybe I can distract myself until Its over I can't look any more I walk out the bathroom turn the light off and head for bed where tonight she knew she would not sleep


	15. Chapter 15

Monday Dec 14

the next morning I had therapy I told Angel to come with me my therapist was nice enough to clear his morning for them they went In Angel said "Doctor Myzer" they shook

he shook his hand and they all sat as the doctor said "call me Jonathan"

Angel said "what Is It you think that you can do for me exactly"

he said simply "hypnosis"

Buffy said "you can do that"

Dr Myzer nodded "It's not a more conventional method of my therapy but I can do It In extreme cases this seems extreme enough"

Angel took off his coat and sat back In the chair the doctor put a few electros on his head and then said "I want you close your eyes and to think of a pleasant place In your life time location person and let your mind drift there"

Angel closed his eyes he thought of Buffy In a meadow In a white dress In the sun coming toward him he said "count backwards from 10 to 1"

Angel started counting down "10... 9... 8..."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Dream sequence *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
he saw Buffy when he first woke up "I missed you so much... I have missed hearing your voice... I dream about it...I wake up some nights and can't remember what you sound like"

the one to her left said In a scratchy voice "you to so did I"

she looked at him "Angel?" he looked at her she looked In his eyes she couldn't read him "wait a minute I'll go get the doctor... don't talk"

the doctor examined him; Dr Murphy explained "there's nothing physical to explain slight disorientation and memory loss"

she came to the door and said "Angel"

he got up and hugged her and said "Buffy what happened... I don't remember"

she looked in his eyes and she couldn't read him "please don't..." she looked at the other bed and back saying nervously "...don't touch me"

Buffy said "why are you doing this where did you come from what happen can you explain that to me"

Angel said "you think I'm Angelus... I'm not him"

when they first met, ANGEL: Ah, he. Is there a problem, ma'am?

BUFFY: Yeah, there's a problem. Why are you following me?

ANGEL: I know what you're thinking. Don't worry, I don't bite. Truth Is, I thought you'd be taller, or bigger muscles and all that. You're pretty spry, though.

BUFFY: What do you want?

ANGEL: The same thing you do.

BUFFY: Okay. What do I want?

ANGEL: To kill them. To kill them all.

BUFFY: Sorry, that's Incorrect. But you do get this lovely watch and a year's supply of Turtle Wax. What I want is to be left alone!

(She starts a determined walk away.)

ANGEL: Do you really think that's an option anymore? You're standing at the Mouth of Hell. And It's about to open. Don't turn your back on this. (Tosses her a box) You've got to be ready.

BUFFY: What for?

ANGEL: For the Harvest.

BUFFY: Who are you?

ANGEL: Let's just say... I'm a friend.

BUFFY: Yeah, well, maybe I don't want a friend.

ANGEL: I didn't say I was yours.

(He leaves. Buffy stares after him for a moment, and then opens the box. It contains a silver cross and chain.)

there first kiss ANGEL: I just wanted to see if you were okay. And your mother.

BUFFY: We're both good. You?

ANGEL: If I can go a little while without getting shot or stabbed I'll be aright. Look, this can't...

BUFFY: ...ever is anything. I know. For one thing, you're, like, two hundred and twenty-four years older than I am.

ANGEL: I just got to... I got to walk away from this.

BUFFY: I know. Me, too. One of us has to go here.

ANGEL: I know.

(They kiss)

BUFFY: You okay?

ANGEL: It's just...

BUFFY: ...painful. I know. See you around?

(Buffy walks away. Angel watches her go. The camera pans down to his chest where her cross has left a deep burn.)

and her back in the meadow  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *End Dream sequence *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"7... 6... 5..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Dream sequence *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
their first time together,  
BUFFY: (sobs) Angel... I feel like I lost you... You're right, though. We can't be sure of anything.

ANGEL: Shah. I...

BUFFY: You what?

ANGEL: I love you. I try not to, but I can't stop.

BUFFY: Me, me, too. I can't either.

ANGEL: Buffy, maybe we shouldn't...

BUFFY: Don't. Just kiss me.

The break up,  
BUFFY: I always say patrol's not complete without a trip to the stinky sewers.

ANGEL: I'm sure I saw him come down here.

BUFFY: Couldn't we just let this be the vamp that got away? We could say he was this big. (Holds hands apart, like a fish story.)

ANGEL: What can I say? I need closure.

BUFFY: You need clothes. You don't have a tux, do you?

ANGEL: Since when did patrolling go black tie?

BUFFY: For the prom, silly.

ANGEL: We have more important things to think about right now than a dance, Buffy.

BUFFY: Sorry, Giles. I'll just be quiet.

ANGEL: Come on, don't be that way.

A vampire drops from the roof, growling.

BUFFY: Not now.

Buffy casually stakes the vampire and turns to Angel.

BUFFY: I'm not being that way. Every time I say the word 'prom', you get grouchy.

ANGEL: I'm sorry. I'm just worried that you're getting too...Invested In this whole thing.

BUFFY: What whole thing? Isn't this the stuff that I'm supposed to get Invested In? Going to a formal, graduating, and growing up.

ANGEL: I know.

BUFFY: Then what? What's with the dire?

ANGEL: It's uh, it's nothing.

BUFFY: No, you have 'something' face.

ANGEL: I think we need to talk, but not now and not here.

BUFFY: No. No, if you have something to say, then say It. (silence) Angel, drop the cryptic. You're scaring me.

ANGEL: I've been thinking... about our future. And the more I do, the more I feel like us, you and me being together, is unfair to you.

BUFFY: Is this about what the Mayor said? Because he was just trying to shake us up.

ANGEL: He was right.

BUFFY: No. No, he wasn't. He's the bad guy.

ANGEL: You deserve more. You deserve something outside of demons and darkness. You should be with someone who can take you Into the light. Someone who can make love to you.

BUFFY: I don't care about that.

ANGEL: You will. And children.

BUFFY: Children? Can you say jumping the gun? I killed my goldfIsh.

ANGEL: Today. But you have no Idea how fast it goes, Buffy. Before you know It, you'll want It all, a normal life.

BUFFY: I'll never have a normal life.

ANGEL: Right, you'll always be a Slayer. But that's all the more reason why you should have a real relationship Instead of this, this freak show. (Buffy is stunned.) I didn't mean that.

BUFFY: I'm going to go.

ANGEL: (grabs her arm) I'm sorry. Buffy, you know how much I love you. It kills me to say this.

BUFFY: Then don't. Who are you to tell me what's right for me? You think I haven't thought about this?

ANGEL: Have you, rationally?

BUFFY: No. No, of course not. I'm just some swoon little schoolgirl, right?

ANGEL: I'm trying to do what's right here, okay? I'm trying to think with my head Instead of my heart.

BUFFY: Heart? You have a heart? It isn't even beating!

ANGEL: Don't.

BUFFY: Don't what? Don't love you? I'm sorry. You know what? I didn't know that I got a choice in that. I'm never going to change. I can't change. I want my life to be with you.

ANGEL: I don't.

BUFFY: You don't want to be with me? I can't believe you're breaking up with me.

ANGEL: It doesn't mean that I don't ...

BUFFY: How am I supposed to stay away from you?

ANGEL: I'm leaving. After the Ascension, after it's finished with the Mayor and Faith. If we survive, I'll go.

BUFFY: Where?

ANGEL: I don't know.

BUFFY: Is this really happening?

The prom  
BUFFY: I never thought you'd come.

ANGEL: It's a big night. I didn't want to miss It. It's just tonight. It doesn't mean that I ...

BUFFY: I know. I mean, I understand.

ANGEL: Dance with me?

and her closer to him in the meadow  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *End Dream sequence *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"4... 3...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Dream sequence *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
her coming to LA on thanks giving,  
ANGEL: Well, umm, it's good to... Can I get you anything?

BUFFY: How about an explanation? Who do you think you are coming to my town and following me around behind my back?

ANGEL: I'm sorry.

BUFFY: What Is this? Some new torment you cooked up just for me?

ANGEL: No, I didn't want to torment you...

BUFFY: You can see me, but I can't see you? What are we playing here?

ANGEL: We're not. I'm not playing anything. I wrestled with this decision.

BUFFY: Which you made without me.

ANGEL: I tried to do what I thought was right. It's complicated how this all happened, Buffy, you know? It's kind of a long story.

BUFFY: You're new sidekick had a vision, I was In It, you came to Sunnydale?

ANGEL: Okay, maybe not that long.

BUFFY: You didn't feel that I was Important enough to even tell me that you were there.

ANGEL: I'm trying to explain. It's because I felt that you're Important that I didn't tell you.

BUFFY: I'm a big girl now, Angel. I'm not In High School anymore. A lot has happened in my life since you left.

ANGEL: I know. I respect that.

BUFFY: And I don't need you skulking around, trying to protect me. Unless, of course, I'm in some gigantic fight to the death, which I was last night. That was you, helping me, weren't it?

ANGEL: I was in the neighborhood... skulking.

(...)

ANGEL: I'm sorry if I handled it wrong. What else was I supposed to do?

BUFFY: I don't know. I just know that when you're around, whether I see you or not, I feel you. Inside. And it throws me.

ANGEL: Throws me, too.

BUFFY: So let's just stick to the plan. We'll keep our distance until a lot of time has passed. Given enough time we should be able to...

ANGEL: Forget?

BUFFY: Yeah. So, I'm going to go, start forgetting.

(Demon crashes through the window, attacks)

BUFFY: Angel!

(They wound It, It escapes)

BUFFY: Friend of yours?

ANGEL: Never saw it before.

BUFFY: It was rude. We should go kill it.

ANGEL: I'm free.

BUFFY: Got somewhere I can change?

That day  
ANGEL: (pours some tea) would you like some more?

BUFFY: No, thank you.

ANGEL: I'm really sorry I kissed you like that.

BUFFY: You are?

ANGEL: Well, not for the kiss itself...

BUFFY: Good. I mean, 'cause - as far as kisses go I thought it was well above average.

ANGEL: It was Incredible. I just - I-I think, maybe we'd be asking for trouble rushing back into things. Not that I don't want to - rush. I do. Believe me.

BUFFY: Right. I mean, you spoke to the Oracles and they did say that you were cured for good. But how do we know that they really speak for the Powers? I mean they could be - pranksters.

ANGEL: Or there could be another loophole.

BUFFY: Exactly. And then the two of us are in even deeper and it's 'err' all over again.

ANGEL: It would be smart to wait a while. See if this mortal thing takes.

BUFFY: Exactly. And even If it does, it's still complicated.

ANGEL: You're still the Slayer. And I'm not sure what I am now. I don't know what my purpose is. I can't just wedge myself into your life back In Sunnydale. It wouldn't be good for either of us. Not to mention the fact that you just started college. And what about slaying. I mean, if you had me to worry about, you might not be as focused.

BUFFY: Are you going to pull out a pie chart on me now? 'Cause I get It, It's not necessary.

ANGEL: I'm not saying I don't want you, Buffy. You know how much... I'm just saying it's worth the wait to know that it's right. I need to be sure you won't get hurt again.

BUFFY: You know It's a good thing I didn't fantasize about you turning human only about 10 zillion times, because today would have been a real let down. So how does the mature plan go? You call me? I call you? What?

ANGEL: We stay in touch. Just not...

BUFFY: Literally. Funny. Okay, I'd better...

ANGEL: Right. Remove the temptation.

BUFFY: So, we'll talk soon.

(She casually touches his hand. And it's all over; much passionate kitchen-table kiss age ensues. After...)

BUFFY: (calling) and peanut butter, preferably crunchy!

ANGEL: I got it.

BUFFY: A perfect yum. (Angel feeds her a spoon of Ice cream) Mom, this is a dream. You're human for like a minute and already there's CookIe-dough-fudge-mInt-chIp in the fridge.

ANGEL: God, I love food.

BUFFY: Food is good.

ANGEL: Why didn't you ever tell me about chocolate and peanut butter?

BUFFY: Well, I figured if your vamp taste buds couldn't really savor it, then it would only hurt you to know? By the way, I'm over the whole needing to be mature thing. That time you just spent in the kitchen? That was enough time apart.

ANGEL: Too much. (They kiss and some Ice cream drips from his spoon on his chest.) Okay, mortal coordination leaving something to be desired.

BUFFY: Wrong. It's just right.

(Angel laughs as she licks up the Ice cream then pulls her down Into a kiss.)

(...)

BUFFY: (listens to Angel's heart) It's a good sound. Thump-thump. Thump-thump.

ANGEL: It feels pretty amazing.

BUFFY: I'm so glad we didn't logic ourselves out of this. We'll make it work, right?

ANGEL: We will.

BUFFY: Oh, I'm so sleepy, but I still want...

ANGEL: What? You couldn't possibly. I mean, not that I wouldn't...

BUFFY: No, no. I'm spent. Pleasantly numb even. You?

ANGEL: (smiles) for now.

BUFFY: No, I... want to stay awake. So this day can keep happening.

ANGEL: Sleep. We'll make another one like it tomorrow.

BUFFY: Angel? This is the first time I've ever really felt this way.

ANGEL: What way?

BUFFY: Just like I've always wanted to. Like a normal girl, falling asleep in the arms of her normal boyfriend. It's perfect.

her coming back to argue with faith him slapping her,  
(Angel's comforting Faith on the bed, shirt still unbuttoned, looks over as he hears someone come down the stairs. It's Buffy.)

ANGEL: Buffy. I didn't know you...

BUFFY: What... How... What are you doing?

ANGEL: She... we were attacked.

BUFFY: We? You and?

ANGEL: Faith.

BUFFY: You and Faith.

ANGEL: Oh, It's not what you think.

BUFFY: You actually think I can form a thought right now? Giles heard that... that she tried to kill you.

ANGEL: That's true.

BUFFY: So you decided to punish her with a severe cuddling?

ANGEL: Is that why you're here? To punish her?

BUFFY: I was worried about *you*.

FAITH: Buffy. (Buffy turns her head and glares) Oh, god.

BUFFY: (advancing) you didn't think I was going to find you, did you?

ANGEL: Buffy, let's talk.

BUFFY: Oh, I don't think talk Is In order right now.

ANGEL: She needs help.

BUFFY: Help? Do you have any Idea what she did to me?

ANGEL: Yes.

BUFFY: Do you care?

ANGEL: She wants to change. She has a chance to...

BUFFY: No. No chance. Jail.

ANGEL: You think that'll help?

FAITH: Buffy... I'm soaring...

BUFFY: You apologize to me and I will beat you to death.

FAITH: (lost) Go ahead.

ANGEL: (steps In front of Faith) this is not going to happen.

BUFFY: You're going to stop me? 'cause you're going to have to.

FAITH: Don't do this.

ANGEL: Faith, go upstairs, now.

BUFFY: You think I'm going to let her out of my sight?

ANGEL: Buffy, just back off.

BUFFY: There is no way I'm letting her out of my sight.

ANGEL: Faith, go!

BUFFY: Don't you move a...

(she goes to stop Faith, Angel stops her, she punches him, goes to hit him again but he blocks and punches her. Then looks all hurt and shocked.)

ANGEL: I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

(...)

BUFFY: You should have told me what was going on.

ANGEL: I didn't... I didn't think it was your business.

BUFFY: Not my business?

ANGEL: I needed more time with Faith. I'm not sure...

BUFFY: You needed... Do you have *any* Idea what It was like for me to see you with her? That you went behind my back...

ANGEL: Buffy, this wasn't about you! This was about saving somebody's soul. That's what I do here, and you're not a part of it. That was your Idea, remember? We stay away from each other.

BUFFY: I came here because you were in danger.

ANGEL: I'm in danger every day. You came because of Faith. You were looking for vengeance.

BUFFY: I have a right to it.

ANGEL: Not In my city.

BUFFY: I have someone in my life now. That I love. It's not what you and I had. It's very new. You know what makes it new? I trust him. I know him.

ANGEL: That's great. It's nice... you moved on. I can't. You found someone new. I'm not allowed to, remember? I see you again; it cuts me up Inside and the person I share that with is me! You don't know me anymore, so don't come down here with your great new life and *expect* me to do things your way. Go home!

(She walks away, pauses)

BUFFY: See? Faith wins again.

ANGEL: (not looking at her) Go.

(Buffy goes.

***  
Him going to Sunnydale after her mother's death and the kiss,  
BUFFY: It's going to be light soon.

ANGEL: I can stay in town as long as you want me.

BUFFY: How's forever? Does forever work for you? (Apologetically) That's a bad Idea. I'm seriously needy right now.

ANGEL: Let me worry about the neediness. I can handle it.

(They look at each other, and then Buffy leans in and kisses him. They kiss softly for a moment. Then it gets a little more heated and they pull away, both breathing harder. )

BUFFY: I told you. You better go.

ANGEL: I'm sorry.

BUFFY: (firmly) No. I'm so grateful that you came, Angel. I didn't think I was going to be able to make It through the night.

ANGEL: (looks up at the sky) well, we still have a few more minutes until I have to go.

BUFFY: Good.

(She puts her head on his chest and leans against him. He puts his arm around her shoulders.)

BUFFY: Good.

(They sit quietly together.)

There last kiss In Sunnydale  
BUFFY: See? Under control.

ANGEL: Well, at least you could tell me you're glad to see me.

(They kiss.

the goodbye  
BUFFY: What was the highlight of our relationship? When you broke up with me or when I killed you? I'm well aware of my stellar history with guys and no, I don't see fat grandchildren in the offing with Spike. But I don't think that really matters right now. You know, In the midst of all this Insanity, a couple of things are actually starting to make sense. And the guy thing? (Sighs) I always feared there was something wrong with me. You know, because I couldn't make it work. But maybe I'm not supposed to.

ANGEL: Because you're the Slayer.

BUFFY: Because? Okay. I'm cookie dough. I'm not done baking. I'm not finished becoming whoever the hell it Is I'm going to turn out to be. I make It through this and the next thing and the next thing and maybe one day I turn around and realize I'm ready. I'm cookies. And then, you know, if I want someone to eat m? (covers) or enjoy warm, delicious cookie-me, then that's fine. That'll be then. When I'm done.

ANGEL: Any thoughts on who might enjoy? do I have to go with the cookie analogy?

BUFFY: I'm not really thinking that far ahead. That's kind of the point.

ANGEL: I'll go start working on the second front. Make sure I don't have to use it.

(Heads off)

BUFFY: (calling after him) Angel. (He pauses) I do? Sometimes think that far ahead.

ANGEL: Sometimes is something.

BUFFY: It'll be a long time coming. Years, if ever.

ANGEL: (smiles) I ain't getting any older?

2...1" now she was In front of him In the meadow and she said "you ready to see what your missing" she reached for his hand and he took It

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *End Dream sequence *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

he was out for almost three hours his body began to shake Buffy said "what happening to him"

Therapist looked shocked "I don't know"

she said "you don't know... could It be s seizer"

he said "turn him on his side" they rolled him over and he curled up

she said "Angel... Angel can you hear me"

he stopped shaking and he opened his eyes and she said "Angel"

he looked at her and for the first time sense he woke up she saw Angel looking back her.  
She said choked up "Angel"

he said "Buffy" not confused any long she kissed him in passion suffix to say she didn't have her therapy session that day.


	16. Chapter 16

Tuesday Dec 15

I was headed to therapy this morning me and Angel spent the rest of the day together just talking and being together I know I'm getting close and part of me doesn't care. I go Into the therapist office he said "are you ready for your session for today"

she nods "yeah"

he said "do you wanna talk about yesterday"

she smiled "yeah I do, I know I said I didn't wanna fall In love with him again but he has that power on me when I look Into his eye and I see him I see the man I fell In love with but better then that I see a light hearted man that has no pain there anymore and I love that... but then I'm scared If I touch It I can break It that Image of him In the back of my head years of pain when I'm gone I'm so confused but I know I want him but I can't promise him a future that Is what we want"

he said "have you ever thought that he might just wanna be with you for what ever time you have left, If that what he wants he cares about you not him... talk to him"

she nodded

Buffy went home she was sitting In her room In a chair he came In she said "come here"

_**I bottle all my hurt Inside,  
I guess I'm living a lie.  
Inside my mind each day I die**_

he came over sitting on the edge of her bed "yes"

she said "I'm dieing, you know this and your still her which Is just like you to stay but for me It males me feel like I'm betraying you by letting you fall In love with me again"

he said "but did you ever think that I fell out of love with you"

she said "you kind of made that clear when you broke up with me"

_**what can bring me back to life?  
A simple word, a gesture  
someone to say you're beautiful  
Come find this buried treasure  
with eyes lead to a pot of gold.**_

he said "I just said that so that you wouldn't push It any further at the time I need to shut you down so that I could leave, do you think that seeing you wasn't killing me wanting to be with you and knew I couldn't I swear I almost broke down and begged for you to come back to me the next time I saw you and every time after that only when I left did It get easier for me... when you came to LA and we argued about Faith that wasn't me yelling at you that was me yelling at you because I was mad at me for giving my humanity back Instead of staying with you I was venting on you some of that anger on you because I was hurting and you telling me about Riley only made me angry I never would have hit you If I hadn't been spun In the head"  
_**  
Who's there to save the hero  
When she's left all alone  
And she's crying out for help  
Who's there to save the hero**_

she smiled "thank you for telling me this... I'm tired so tired"

he said "rest" he picked her up out of the chair and moved her to the bed kissing her forehead and then her cheek and then her hand and coming back placing his hands on both sided of her face and kissing her oh so tenderly on the lips she fell sleep moments later.  
_**  
Who's there to save the girl  
After she saves the world…  
After she saves the world.  
**_****  
I woke up the sun was just setting creating a orange glow In my room It was beautiful sun set I turn towards the door only to find Angel sitting on my bed he was looking at me watching over me he had been sitting at the side of the bed looking at her he took on of his fingers and moved her hair out of her face she looked from his hand and In his face there was a passion In his eyes she sat up moving over and he laid next to her she looked In his eyes he ran his fingers over her face she closed her eyes as he placed hand on her cheek no words were need she pulled back he pulled her chin to his face with his finger they put there foreheads together she looked at him his lips met hers It was so tender

_**Are we ready  
Are we ready ready  
Are we ready  
Are we ready ready**_

Ah ah ah ah..  
Ah ah ah ah..  
  
she slid down next to him and he stroked her face they kissed

_**My body feels like an Inferno  
Like Imp In a race and I'm jumping the hurdle  
Come closer we'll peruse It  
Baby Just let go we can do It  
**_  
she rolled him over and kissed him more Intensely ran her fingers down the front of his shirt then under It he pulled her up and she was straddled him

_**Baby I'm just hot for taking  
Don't you wanna see my body naked  
And I bet you like the way I shake It  
And I hope that you can take It  
**_  
as he sat up she pulled his shirt off and he pulled her hair down from the ponytail kissing

_**You're the perfect lover  
I'm In love with all the things you do  
So seductive when your touch me  
I can't get enough of you  
**_  
him touching him he pulled her shirt off she undid his pant

_**Your the best  
Baby You got me obsessed  
And I can't catch my breath  
Baby I must confess you got me  
Ah Ah Ah**_

he removed hers he laid her back on the bed he said "are your sure about this"

she said "honestly I don't care anymore I just wanna have some time with you where I don't have to worry about the aftermath and now there won't be" she captured his lips

_**When you come around  
Got me so damn high  
Can't come down  
Every time you touch me there  
You make me feel so hot  
**_  
she rolled him onto his back

_**I love It  
everything you do Is so seductive  
You got everything that I want and then some  
And I can't even front so listen  
I know what your missing  
Better hurry up  
Cause time Is ticking  
Tic Tock Tic Tock  
Come and Get me while I'm hot  
**_  
going Into her bed side drawer pulling out a scarf she wrapped It In her fingers and said "close your eyes"  
_**  
You're the perfect lover  
I'm In love with all the things you do  
So seductive when your touch me  
I can't get enough of you  
Your the best  
Baby You got me obsessed  
And I can't catch my breath  
Baby I must confess you got me  
Ah Ah Ah  
When you come around  
Got me so damn high  
Can't come down  
Every time you touch me there  
You make me feel so hot  
**_  
he said "fine" she wrapped It around his eyes and had her way with his body

_**Let me drive you crazy  
All night Cause we got so far to go  
Let me drive you crazy  
All night Cause we got so far to go  
**_  
they rolled back and forth

_**Your the perfect lover  
I'm In love with all the things you do  
So seductive when your touch me  
I can't get enough of you  
**_  
In the hilt of passion he pulled her up to sit In his lap  
_**  
Your the best  
Baby You got me obsessed  
And I can't catch my breath  
Baby I must confess you got me  
Ah Ah Ah  
When you come around  
Got me so damn high  
Can't come down  
**_  
he said "look at me" she did they reached their climax and she leaned back and let the feeling go through her

_**Every time you touch me there  
You make me feel so hot**_

we drifted off to sleep I was so tired I would take my pills In the morning I didn't wanna break this moment


	17. Chapter 17

Wednesday Dec 16

I had some work to do this morning I left him In bed I dressed putting on my suit I was nearly ready I was fixing my hair and he sat up out of bed and said "shouldn't you be In bed"

I said "oh no... I have work I have to finish doing I have therapy I have to go back to Colorado and then go to England and I'll be back tomorrow night"

he came Into the bathroom door and said "I want you to meet me at the cabins In the outskirts of town I'll give your driver the directions and he'll bring you back there"

she said "okay I got to go" I kiss him goodbye and go down to the driver getting In the back he comes out to give the driver his number to call when he got me from the airport tomorrow night he went back to the apartment and turned back smiling goodbye she sat In her car and looking up at the door way at him and laughed thinking about last night she waved he pulled off.

went back to the hospital and In Colorado she went to the bed and looked at him for a long time she knew that sense they made Buffy both of there medical hypoxia whatever that all she had to do was take him off life spots she had the right one she looked at this Angel laying In the bed and for a split second she might not she shook It off she had to get to England she was helping the girls get ready for charismas she left.

she kept moving around she worked on her manifesto and her book she did therapy on the flight and she was now In the charismas tree lot with Willow she was talking to her but she wasn't listening she let her mind drift

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Flashback *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
JOYCE: Oh. You know, honey, I was thinking. Maybe we should Invite Faith to spend Christmas Eve with us.

BUFFY: I don't know. Faith and I don't really hang out. Or talk or make eye contact lately.

JOYCE: Do you really wanna let her spend Christmas Eve all by herself in that dingy little motel room?

BUFFY: You're still number one with a guilt trip, Mom.

JOYCE: I try.

BUFFY: I'll ask her.

JOYCE: You're a doll.

BUFFY: What about Giles? I mean, he doesn't have any fame...

JOYCE: No, I'm sure he's fine.

BUFFY: We could at least ask him and see...

JOYCE: He doesn't wanna spend Christmas Eve with a bunch of girls.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *End Flashback *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Willow called her name "Buffy"

she looked at her "yeah Will"

Willow said "you looked like you were so where else"

Buffy shook her head "just getting tired"

Willow said "do you like the tree"

Buffy looked at the huge pine tree and said "we'll have the rocIfeller center people beat"

Willow said "what's going on... haws Angel Is he Angel"

Buffy smiled "oh he's Angel aright"

Willow gave her the famous WIllow-beIng-a-deer-caught-In-headlIghts look "dId you"

Buffy nodded "we did last night... I don't know Wills" she shook her head "I wasn't myself last night... or maybe for the first time I was"

Willow said "are you sure"

Buffy said "... yeah I think I am"

Willow said "you know how Angelus was... he could twist lies Into the truth"

Buffy said "he's not Angelus he's Angel... he'll never be, Angelus couldn't pull off nice and sweet If It was a magical poison Inserted In his blood"

Willow said "he had you fooled the first time"

Buffy said "no he didn't I knew something was wrong with him I just didn't know It was Angelus now I know what Angelus Is and he's not him"


	18. Bargaining

Thursday Dec 17

Buffy went to see Giles he said "oh Buffy... your here"

Buffy said "came to help Willow set up and decorate for Christmas go over party arrangement fix up everything make sure everything's straight for the party next Friday"

he said "are you going to be there"

she looked at her hands "only by the grace of god"

he said "your really not going to tell them"

Buffy said "no I can't"

he said "and Angel"

Buffy said "I told him he's fine"

Giles said "Is he Angel"

Buffy said "yes"

he said "are you certain of what your doing Buffy... are you sure It's him"

she nodded "you don't look It... I think If you knew you were sure of It being him you would take the other off life support"

Buffy said "you still don't trust him after all this time"

Giles said "I know you don't see It but you must stay aware to the fact that that might not be him... you know Angelus Is a trickster and a liar how can you know"

Buffy said "I have to go"

I sit on the plane home thinking could It really be Angelus I let Into my home my bed that I slept with It couldn't have been he was too gentle he could never be that gentle that kind that sweet I shake It off taking my pilled my chest Is hurting I'm tired again I'll slept the rest the flight back. I got In the car and slept till I got to the cabin I woke up when the light came on In the back I opened my eyes and I found Angel staring down at me I smiled he took my coat and placed It over me and picked me up to carry me to the cabin

I look at the cabin and I said "this Is the cabin"

he said "I discovered this when I came back to LA"

she smiled "thank you"

he said "your welcome" she kissed him at the front door and he let them Into the cabin

she woke up In the middle of the night under the bear skin sheet Angel was drawing her she said "hey, what are you doing"

he said " I was drawing you"

she said "can I see" he turned It around It was a drawing of her face as she slept "It's beautiful"

he said "your beautiful"

she said "I'm confused I went to see the other you today"

he said "are you going to unplugging him"

she gave him a look "yes"

he got up and said "all I saying Is that, keeping him alive Is not helping you... look at me"

she turned to face him "It's me I'm here... right here not In that bed, I here loving you... do you trust me"

she looked at him "yes"

_**(Donnie) Hey girl, do you love me?  
(Girl) Yes  
(Donnie) Well, I wanna try something with you.  
So, don't be shy. Are you ready?  
(Girl) Of course, baby  
(Donnie) Let's go**_

he said looking at her seductively "then strip" he took bearskin sheet and laid It In the floor she smirk and she took her blouse off and undid her pants and taking them off and he smirk "all of them"

_**You go hit the lights, I'll set up the camera  
Let's get to the action  
You go hit the lights, I'll set up the camera  
Let's get to the action**_

coming over bending down removing her underwear and kissing her thigh

_**I've been thinking about this for some time  
I got a freaky temptation burning' deep Inside**_

her eyes nearly rolled back In her head as her knees got weak

_**You say the strip's already rolling  
And the bedroom Is the set  
I hope you know your lines 'cause one take Is all we get**_

he stood as he undid her top "when you look at me do you see us here and now or then In the past" he watched halter top fall to her hips

_**You go hit the lights, I'll set up the camera  
Let's get to the action  
You go hit the lights, I'll set up the camera  
Let's get to the action**_

sliding It down her body ever so slowly she lay on rug

_**By the time this over, girl, I'm-a make you a star  
You ready? (1,2,3,4)**_

he posed her how he wanted he started to draw her she felt wants sexy and desired she also felt very frisky

_**I'm the directing and producing  
And you're the leading lady of my show  
(You're the leading lady, baby)  
No body double needed, cause I do all the stunts on my own**_

he was drawing he didn't even notice her crawl over to him she to ok the pad tossing It to the floor

_**Believe that you can turn your phone off  
But be quiet on the set  
You better know your lines 'cause one take Is all we get**_

jumping Into Angel's arms and straddling his lap kissing him "you were taking to long"

_**You go hit the lights, I'll set up the camera  
Let's get to the action  
You go hit the lights, I'll set up the camera  
Let's get to the action**_

he looked her over grinding her hips Into his own "I guess I was"

_**You go hit the lights, I'll set up the camera  
Let's get to the action  
You go hit the lights, I'll set up the camera  
Let's get to the action**_

he picked her up In one swoop and laid her on the rug they made love In front of the fireplace for most of the night

_**click on rewind, go one more time  
playback our love on the wide screen  
Baby, don't stop until I say cut  
keep me shine, keep It roll, let me rolling...**_


	19. Chapter 19

Saturday Dec 19  
I woke up to a red rose one of the large ones found here the rose lay open on my Pillow and I turned to find breakfast and my pills I smile I eat and while I'm eating I notice his bags In the corner I went to them and I unzipped on and looked though It when I reached the bottom something didn't feel right I fount the zipper It was a false bottom In It and In tided was a box that resembled a bible box I picked It up and ran my hands over the lock why did he have a box In his bag and hidden at that I heard noise on the steps and I tossed It back were It was zipped the false bottom let the clothing fall back In place zipping It up and standing It back where It was and went back to the bed.

he comes In and saw her she looked out of breathe he asks "what wrong"

she looks up at him from bed "It's nothing at all... just got up to fast my heart started beating to fast and that caused me to start breathing heavy"

he said "okay you going to hand out with the girls"

she nodded "give me a minute I need to get my breathe"

he sat next to her "If your too tired maybe you shouldn't"

she looked at him "I need this"

he nodded "okay but be careful" he brushed his knuckles on her face and kissed her forehead and then lips.

she came down stairs and went in the kitchen the girls were cutting pie Dawn bought the other day and it fell off the table and she remembered  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Flashback *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
(removing pie)

JOYCE: Damn It! I hate this oven. It burnt.

BUFFY: Oh, no, it's just blackened, you know, it's, it's Cajun pie.

GILES: (to Joyce, RE wine) shall I open another?

JOYCE: Oh, do you think we dare?

BUFFY: As long as you two stay away from the band candy, I'm cool with anything.

JOYCE: (quietly to Buffy) you are a demon child.

BUFFY: I live to torment you, is that so wrong?

JOYCE: A daughter's duty, I suppose.

BUFFY: Look, all we have to do Is just cut off a little bit of the burnt...

(As she begins trying to cut the pie, It falls off the Island and onto the floor  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *End Flashback *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
she watched as they cleaned It up Angel came up behind her and went to grab the mop he said "you okay"

she smiled touching her head and said "I'm just tired"

Rachel said "If your tired we can hang around here"

Buffy said "no we're going" they grabbed there stuff and headed out Angel stopped her In the hall way

he said "you call me If you start feeling any worse" he touched her face and kissed her forehead and he kissed her

she looked at him "I'm good"

she and the girls went to lunch they took a ride on the gondola as and talked about guys and sex and Buffy had a good time Buffy split off with them and said she would meet them for dinner and they would go clubbing after.

Buffy took the train to England to ask a priest something she went In she went up front lit a candle and sat In the pew and said "go I am so confused I don't know who I'm with maybe I'm crazy and I said I wasn't going to let It bother me but my body has other Ideas because every time I think that I could be with the wrong one my body tights up and my stomach cringes why am I worried If I think I made the right decision god I wish I knew"

a priest came over to her "searching for guidance my child"

Buffy said "now more then ever"

he said "tell me"

she said "you would never believe me"

he said "I'm a priest I know a lot of things, tell me and I may be able to help you"

she explained everything too him to a degree she sits on the bench propping her leg on the pew bench talking to a priest "he knows things I just can't be sure"

he said "the world of science a faith sometimes can't explain.... trust your heart follow It when you see the one In Accomack again you search your soul again If he fells right then you know and do the same thing when you see your current again If It feels wrong once you've done both then you really know"

she said "okay... but how do I know the comfort I feel with the one that Is not conscious I only feel that way because he Isn't awake and It's safer"

he touched her knee "you know the truth"

she nodded "thank you" he patted her shoulder and left

she got home before they had to get ready for dinner she went In and up the steps she saw him In the room walking round looking In the box he smirked shutting It and putting It away. she walked half way down and came back going In the room and said "hey"

he said "hey how was your day"

she smiled "good we had a good time I'm going to get a shower before dinner then me and the girls are heading to the club for dancing"

he nodded "okay"

It almost midnight Angels sleep and I'm sitting here working on my diary entry for today and my manifesto I turn and look at him sleep he look so peaceful he can't be I lean over and kiss him and I close the computer and take my pills and go to bed.


	20. Chapter 20

Saturday Dec 19  
I woke up to a red rose one of the large ones found here the rose lay open on my Pillow and I turned to find breakfast and my pills I smile I eat and while I'm eating I notice his bags In the corner I went to them and I unzipped on and looked though It when I reached the bottom something didn't feel right I fount the zipper It was a false bottom In It and In tided was a box that resembled a bible box I picked It up and ran my hands over the lock why did he have a box In his bag and hidden at that I heard noise on the steps and I tossed It back were It was zipped the false bottom let the clothing fall back In place zipping It up and standing It back where It was and went back to the bed.

he comes In and saw her she looked out of breathe he asks "what wrong"

she looks up at him from bed "It's nothing at all... just got up to fast my heart started beating to fast and that caused me to start breathing heavy"

he said "okay you going to hand out with the girls"

she nodded "give me a minute I need to get my breathe"

he sat next to her "If your too tired maybe you shouldn't"

she looked at him "I need this"

he nodded "okay but be careful" he brushed his knuckles on her face and kissed her forehead and then lips.

she came down stairs and went in the kitchen the girls were cutting pie Dawn bought the other day and it fell off the table and she remembered  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Flashback *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
(removing pie)

JOYCE: Damn It! I hate this oven. It burnt.

BUFFY: Oh, no, it's just blackened, you know, it's, it's Cajun pie.

GILES: (to Joyce, RE wine) shall I open another?

JOYCE: Oh, do you think we dare?

BUFFY: As long as you two stay away from the band candy, I'm cool with anything.

JOYCE: (quietly to Buffy) you are a demon child.

BUFFY: I live to torment you, is that so wrong?

JOYCE: A daughter's duty, I suppose.

BUFFY: Look, all we have to do Is just cut off a little bit of the burnt...

(As she begins trying to cut the pie, It falls off the Island and onto the floor  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *End Flashback *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
she watched as they cleaned It up Angel came up behind her and went to grab the mop he said "you okay"

she smiled touching her head and said "I'm just tired"

Rachel said "If your tired we can hang around here"

Buffy said "no we're going" they grabbed there stuff and headed out Angel stopped her In the hall way

he said "you call me If you start feeling any worse" he touched her face and kissed her forehead and he kissed her

she looked at him "I'm good"

she and the girls went to lunch they took a ride on the gondola as and talked about guys and sex and Buffy had a good time Buffy split off with them and said she would meet them for dinner and they would go clubbing after.

Buffy took the train to England to ask a priest something she went In she went up front lit a candle and sat In the pew and said "go I am so confused I don't know who I'm with maybe I'm crazy and I said I wasn't going to let It bother me but my body has other Ideas because every time I think that I could be with the wrong one my body tights up and my stomach cringes why am I worried If I think I made the right decision god I wish I knew"

a priest came over to her "searching for guidance my child"

Buffy said "now more then ever"

he said "tell me"

she said "you would never believe me"

he said "I'm a priest I know a lot of things, tell me and I may be able to help you"

she explained everything too him to a degree she sits on the bench propping her leg on the pew bench talking to a priest "he knows things I just can't be sure"

he said "the world of science a faith sometimes can't explain.... trust your heart follow It when you see the one In Accomack again you search your soul again If he fells right then you know and do the same thing when you see your current again If It feels wrong once you've done both then you really know"

she said "okay... but how do I know the comfort I feel with the one that Is not conscious I only feel that way because he Isn't awake and It's safer"

he touched her knee "you know the truth"

she nodded "thank you" he patted her shoulder and left

she got home before they had to get ready for dinner she went In and up the steps she saw him In the room walking round looking In the box he smirked shutting It and putting It away. she walked half way down and came back going In the room and said "hey"

he said "hey how was your day"

she smiled "good we had a good time I'm going to get a shower before dinner then me and the girls are heading to the club for dancing"

he nodded "okay"

It almost midnight Angels sleep and I'm sitting here working on my diary entry for today and my manifesto I turn and look at him sleep he look so peaceful he can't be I lean over and kiss him and I close the computer and take my pills and go to bed.


	21. Chapter 21

Sunday Dec 20  
he left unusually early that morning and she thought that It was strange she got a hunch she called Giles she said "Giles I need you to do me a favor"

he said "what"

Buffy "go check on Angel"

Giles said "why now"

Buffy said "no questions just do It... call me back If the other Angel Is with him, there both together"

Giles said "okay"

she looked through his stuff she knew something was up she just couldn't put her finger on It what It was she just needed to know for sure her mind wasn't going to rest

she found nothing she was starting to think that her friends had made her paranoid but she knew It In her heart of hearts something was wrong she looked out the window and saw him keel over In pain. she went outside she said "Angel what Is It what wrong"

he turned to her "I remembered something else"

she said "what did you remember"

he said "I remember what happened that made us split In the first place"

she looked at him

she went to see Giles he said "I found something strange"

she said "what"

he said "I got the security videos from the people at both hospitals"

she looked at him and said "willow did didn't she"

he said "yes"

she said "what did you find"

Giles said "I had his room watched sense you left with the other Angel and looked what we found on the types"

she looked at the video and the Angel she had been with had visiting the unconscious one Buffy said "what doe It prove he don't do anything to him he just sits with him and Angel would do that… did he say anything to him"

Giles said "not that we've found... were still checking"

Buffy said "keep me posted"

Giles said "anything happen on your end"

Buffy said "I was going though his things and he showed up he had a fit of pain and said he rebreed how they ended up this way"

Giles said "Interesting, did he tell you" Buffy looked at him

I was meeting him In the sculled cabins tonight In England the girls had left early after we had dinner I went Into the cabin he was sitting and reading he didn't look up he said "hello"

I put my coat down and answered "hey"

he said "you still think I'm Angelus"

I walk over to him as he stands and look him In the eye and say "you know what I think I think I don't care anymore If you are or aren't I don't care about you I don't care about him I don't care about what anyone says from what the doctor told me I have about four days left and I'm not going to spend those days caring about any of It, If your Angel your here for me If your not your here for your own damn reasons and will probably kill me before I have a chance to die on my own I'm done I could care less do you whatever" I meant every word and I walked away I'm exhausted I barely have enough energy to walk away I'm taking my pills and going to bed I turn In the door way and say "but If you are Angelus this Is right up your alley, If you are Angel I'm sorry I'm treating you like crap but I have a pretty good reason to be so bitter" I walk away go to bed


	22. Depression

Monday Dec 21

I wake up tired don't wanna move from my bed I turn over and he's sleep with his back to me I know I was cruel last night to him but If he Is Angel he understand If not he probably doesn't care I have therapy this morning I have to go but I don't even care to go but I am I get up and get ready to meet him at the hotel.

***  
he said "I haven't seen you In a few days"

she said "I'm busy"

he said "maybe so but I think you've been avoiding me because your starting to feel how close you are"

_**I am not alone  
Dear loneliness  
I forgot  
That I remember this  
**_  
she said "at this point I'm tired I'm so god damn tired I can't even think straight, the only reason I'm still able to move around Is because I refuse to let my body shut down on me until I'm ready for It to, I still have few days worth of things that I need to do, but god I'm tired I just wanna sleep"

he said "then why don't you just go home and sleep"

_**You are not alone  
Dear loneliness  
You forgot  
But I remember this  
**_  
she said shaking her head choked up "If I let myself sleep I think that, that I may not wake up till It's over again and I won't get to see my friends faces one last time"

he said "to say good bye"

_**Oh stranger stranger  
Stranger things have happened, I know**_

she sniffed "no... you see them I really wanna be her for them for Christmas I wish god I wish I could just be here for Christmas see how wonderful It Is I love Christmas, I've been so busy In past year Christmas Is my holiday It feels more like home then anything else I do and I'm so close and I'm going to miss It" she picked up the tissue and sniffle wiping her eyes and nose

_**I am not alone  
Dear lonely miss  
I forgot  
That I remember this  
**_  
he said "how do you feel right now"

she said "have you been listening, my head hurts and I have bit of trouble breathing my heart beating a bit fast but It's going to get faster until It's over"

he asked her "have you taken your pills today"

she shook her head "I fell asleep last night because I was so tired without taking them and I didn't take them" she took them out her bag and

he said "you should take them... you'll feel better" he went to her and took her pressure It was Irregular he took her pills out and tested It one more time he held the hand out with the pills In she looked at It and In that moment made the conscious decision not to take them she removed his hand and pushed them away "no"

he said "you need to take them"

she said "I'm dieing that not going to change weather I take them or don't take them I'm tired I'm just really tired that all"

he said "you know these days for most people all emotions have been replaced with fear, and everyone has dreams but few realise them... it makes cowards out of the rest of us"

_**Oh stranger stranger  
Stranger thIngs have happened, I know  
Oh, oh  
Oh, oh  
**_

I went back to the cabin and I was going through some things and I dropped something out of my bag It was the locket the locket Angel sent me for the first birthday after we broke up and I put the prom picture In It, I didn't even know It was In this bag I looked at the Inscription

for the most  
beautiful  
woman  
In the world

I got mad so angry In that moment I snapped the chain and let It hit the floor I cried I screamed and I cried for a long time.

_**I've given too much of myself  
And now It's driving me crazy  
(I'm crying out for help?  
**_  
I really don't know how It happened how I got here but I remember going to Italy and going to the winery getting there best bottle of mellow and I drank some of It on a gondola ride I stopped near the bridge and It was almost night I walked up the path to the bride so many things going through my head It was cold I had on my coat and I found myself tight rope walking the planks on the side of the bridge drinking I really didn't care It felt good I felt free I felt nothing. I leaned against one of the planks looking down at my feet the water bellow the water was always such a peaceful place for me to be after I got over my fears of drowning again I swim to conquer It I swim to concern my mind my heart I swim to fight It all I dropped the bottle and It hit the water It was so simple It was like looking at the difference between life and death, she always straddled that line never really had a choice In It she giggle and closed her eyes felt herself falling

_**Sometimes I wish someone would  
just come here and save me…  
Save me from myself  
**_  
Angel had been looking for her all day long her therapist had called him earlier and told him that she was going off her medication and really tired and felt she wasn't In her right frame of mind Angel knew that she always came to Italy when she was feeling out of her head he had been going around all day looking for her he knew she like to take gondola rides but they hadn't seen her he found one of them that had seen her and that she got off near the bridge he managed to just get to the bridge he was wandering looking It up and down walking back and forth he was coming back up the other side when he saw her drop the bottle he ran toward her when he got there she was just jumping off

_**Who's there to save the hero  
When she's left all alone  
And she's crying out for help**_

he looked through the planks and yelled "BUFFY!"

she didn't come up and he took off his coat and jumped In the water behind her he swam around the area she wasn't that deep he swam to her and grabbed her around the waist and pulled her towards the shore and laid her on the rocks under the bridge climbing up to grab his coat and brought It back down and wrapped It around her he rubbed her body to try and warm her up she opened her eyes looking at him and said "Angel, remember that I love you" she passed out

_**Who's there to save the hero  
Who's there to save the girl  
After she saves the world…  
After she saves the world  
**_


	23. Chapter 23

Tuesday Dec 22

_**This feeling that I get  
This one last cigarette  
As I lay awake  
And wait for you to come through the door**_

here I lay In my bed almost to a point that I can barely move so tired It so silence so very silent It's almost defining, I bought pack of Italian curettes yesterday just so that I could try them what the hell were they going to do to me kill me I think that my heart was going to do that before they got a chance I lit one up about an hour ago took few puffs It I smoked one yesterday while I was drinking In the gondola ride. I know that he's coming he's going to come and talk to me about the stunt I pulled yesterday It was stupid but I was lost and I really didn't care I don't much care today

_**Oh maybe maybe maybe  
I can share It with you  
I behave I behave I behave  
So I can share It with you  
**_***  
Willow said "she did what"

Angel was leaning on the door and said "she jumped off the bridge"

Willow said "what Is up with her lately she's been so crazy"

Angel said "I don't know"

Willow said "you mean she hasn't told you"

Angel said "no... she's been feeling trapped"

Willow said "you think she could be suicidal"

Angel said "no I think she's just feeling a little lost and trapped"

Willow said "can I go talk to here" he nodded  
_*****  
You are not alone  
Dear loneliness  
You forgot  
But I remember this  
Oh stranger stranger  
Stranger things have happened, I know  
**_

Willow went up to her room she went In she didn't care about knocking she smelled the smoke when she walked In the door she walked around the bed putting out the curette and picked It up she said "your smoking now"

Buffy just look at her "just felt like It"

Willow said "like you felt like jumping off a bridge... what the hell are you doing"

Buffy said "that was..."

Willow sat next to her on the bed "what I really wanna hear this"

Buffy said "Willow I'm tired please"

Willow said "I am only telling you this because I care about you...but sorry no"

Buffy shook her head "Willow, your my best friend and I love you I just need you to leave me be all will be explained later I promise you"

Willow looked at her "you better, you don't look well Buffy"

Buffy said "just pilled up jet lag and the fact I had the flu It's knocking me down"

Willow said "take care of yourself Buffy or I'm going to have to get Xander and Dawn on you"

Buffy gave her a scared looked "oh no please not them"

Willow said "don't push me then"

Buffy said "you may not understand now Wills but... I'm living I'm being happy In my own way let me be"

Willow said "okay" she walked out she knew what was happening she didn't wanna admitted but she could almost read It as clear as day on Buffy's face she knew  
_**  
I**_ _**am not alone  
Dear lonely miss  
I forgot  
That I remember this**_

Oh stranger stranger  
Stranger things have happened, I know  
Oh, oh  
Oh, oh

Angel Brought Buffy some tea she sipped It and said "you going to yell at me to"

he said "nope, Willow tortured you enough for the both of us"

Buffy said "lay with me"

he said "okay" he covered her up as he got In bed with her and she curled up next to him and he kissed her forehead and she soon was sleep.


	24. Confrontations

Wednesday Dec 23

_**We'll dream about somewhere  
Our smoke will fill the air  
As I lay awake and wait  
For you to walk out that door  
**_  
I had slept all day yesterday I feel a lot better then I did yesterday but something was going to happen today I knew It Angel was gone then I remembered something the book the book I found In Angels old building with everything It I got up and looked under the bed there was the book I had brought It back with me my last trip out of town I looked at It I went to the last few pages and read

Nov 24  
the battle Is not all that far off I can feel It I don't know what this Is I have a funny feeling something going to happen I called Willow and she's getting Buffy In on this battle I hope she comes It would be great to see her again this might be It the battle the prophecy had been talking about but I don't know, I think I screwed up over the past five years sense the Fall of LA I've been looking for a way to become human and a few weeks ago I found a soccer that could do It and he Id but something went wrong I'm not human but this battle Is the one that supposed to do It I think the spell split me one human one vampire I stayed a vampire but the human I think It has no soul, It's been following me... I have felt It, I think It's going to be at the battle that does turn me human If that happens because of what I did I know something's going to go wrong I just don't know what

_**I can change I can change I can change  
But who do you want me to be  
I'm the same I'm the same I'm the same  
What do you want me to be  
**_  
I shut the book dropping It to the floor I fell something behind me as I kick the book under the bed jumping up to face him

Angel said "you okay I see your up you wanna have breakfast"

Buffy said "you know what I have a few last minute things that I wanna do today and I'm not all that hungry after I came off the medication okay"

he said "okay" he left the room she went to the doorway and watched him go down the hall and down the steps grabbing her clothing and getting ready she left Angel came to the window and watched her go he got a glint In his eye and left after her the phone rang no ones there to answer It

Willow cursed under her breath she said to Giles "she's not picking up"

Giles was looking at the book not the magic books the codex he found the spell that was used and It wasn't a traditional spell It was a limbo fault stop he said "Angel lied"

Willow said "and once she finds out"

Giles took his glass off and tapped them on his lip "he's going to kill her"

Buffy took a car to the location In England where they were keeping the other Angel In Intensive care she got to the special hospital ward Giles had built back when the slayer council was made It was used for the slayers when they got Injured In battle just for them but they bought the other Angel there so they could keep and eye on him.

_**You are not alone  
Dear loneliness  
You forgot  
But I remember this  
**_  
she got there going In she went right to his room he was still there she walked up to the bed and stood next to It "oh god Angel Is It really you, here was I really that stupid I read your journal you knew something was going to happen... god I hate this why didn't you tell me what you thought would happen, I failed I really failed you and now I guess we both loose I don't get to tell you goodbye and you don't get to say goodbye to me"

_**Oh stranger stranger  
Stranger things have happened, I know  
Oh, oh  
Oh, oh**_

she sniffled she wiped a tear from her eye leaning down to kiss him on the forehead running her fingers though his hair

a voice said "I figured you would be here"

she turned simultaneously wiping her face and said "Angel"

he said "yes, me here not him... me"

he walked toward her she circled the room away from him as he sat on the edge of the bed next to him he looked at her and said "I'm going to ask you one last time do you trust me, do you believe me... or I'll leave right now you can't have us both, It's me or him"

she looked at him walking toward him not breaking eye contact she placed one hand on his face the other on his neck and kissing him ever so tenderly pulling back she smiled "see you know what gave you away you were a little too clingy to me and every time I was around you something just didn't feel right but you know It was a nice trick you pulled when you figured out o was looking though your things and faked that pain attack telling me that bull about how you came to be two and you know what really got you caught the fact that you kept coming back to visit him and you seemed a little to egger when you first mention me taking him off life support Angel Is way more cryptic he never Is that straight forward unless some he cares for Is about to be hurt but you know It was fun while It lasted... was It fun for you"

she saw the anger shoot through his eyes Angel never got that mad as he nearly through her against the opposite wall with one swing she hit the floor looking up at him he said "you know what your really good Buff, really good I tried so hard to get you to see me as him and you never once did never even when you did It was because you didn't care I could have killed you a week ago when we went to therapy and he went playing around In my head I remember just who I was and I saw how sick you were so I just played the good little Angel for you"

Buffy rubbed her chest and said "and you know why you did that you can try to convince yourself of other wise but you did It because In all actually you really are In love with me, you love me as much as he does and you hate me just as much as you love me, and hate yourself for loving me so you convinced yourself you were hurting me by loving me that was the best thing you could have done for me I need that love and passion then you think It matters to me I'm dieing hell I'm damn near dead what you did was what we people call human"

He grabbed her up off the floor by the throat and yelled "yeah and humans some time become obsess with people and me I'm never going to let you go" he forcefully turned her around "say goodbye to you pretty boy"

Buffy said "no, you think I care what you do to me nothing you can do to me can be worse then what already happening to me so stop waiting your breathe"

he knocked her down she looked up at him "your not going to win this one Angelus just like you didn't before your pathetic and I'm on to you.... oh and you might wan be concerned when you stop breathing"

he was confused "what"

It happen so fast he didn't see It coming Angel had woken up heard the whole thing and too the IV cord stripped them from the wall twisted them around his hand and was bring them over his head and said "this, him guess who woke up" he took all the strength he had to strangle him to death and once he went lip he lit up In purple light as he hit the floor and then he was gone they looked down at where he used to be she looked up and said "Angel"

_**I am not alone  
Dear loneliness  
I forgot  
That I remember this  
**_  
he gave her his classic half smile and glint In his eyes she remembered so well saying "Buffy" In that silky voice that made her go crazy

You are not alone  
Dear loneliness  
You forgot  
But I remember this

she bust Into tears he sat nest to her and said "hey Buffy I'm here... now, I'm not going anywhere"

Oh stranger stranger  
Stranger things have happened, I know

her chest hurt "but I am" she started to gasp "something's not right" as she laid In his lap curled up on the floor "call for help Now, HURRY!" she blacked out

When I woke up I was In a hospital bed I looked at the monitor my heart was struggling to keep beating I trued over to see Angel sitting In the chair he was now where his normal clothing and he was lost In though I said "Angel"

he slid the chair closer to her bed and "hey Buffy"

she smiled "I'm glad your here, god I'm glad your here and It's you"

he said "I need you to look at me and tell me what's wrong with you"

she said "I think you already know that Angel"

he looked down at her hand and said "your dieing"

she said "only Giles knows because he's handling everything when It's over at least financially"

he nodded "okay. Is there any thing I can do"

she said "yeah get me out of this hospital"

he said "you can't walk around with your heart beating as slow as It Is"

she said "I know... that why I need you to get me too full shots of adrenaline"

he said "Buffy"

Buffy said "my last wish Is to have one day with you give me that and that the only why I can get It just do It please"

he nodded "okay"

Willow and Giles showed up after Angel got the two shots he gave me a small portion enough to make me feel well enough to get up and start moving around when they got there I was dressed and sitting In the chair they said "Buffy we were looking for you all day"

Buffy said "I've been here sense 2"

Willow said "but Angel... oh him Angel... Angel"

Angel smiled crossing his arms "same old Willow... yes It me the other one Is dead"

Willow said "how did you"

Buffy said "we fought Angel suffocated him snapping his neck and he disappeared I think It was kind of like what happen to Xander there not suppose too exist apart so when on was dead It was gone"

Willow said "but he was a limbo"

Giles came In and said "I can explained It a lot better then her"

Buffy said "please"

Giles said "I'm assuming Angel did a spell to turn human before the last battle the powers had a plan to turn human after that battle but because he did that spell the powers screwed It up for him so he stayed the same and his bad side became human but Angelus being Angelus followed him and he was at the battle and when the battle happened they ended up getting Into a fight at the end of It and when the change started they both blacked out we brought them to the hospital and there minds were stuck In a limbo fighting for control and Angelus one but during the time Angel was still out he complete the transition with out having to fight for It he healed but Angelus knew that this was happen that why he was visiting so often and he figured out about the camera so he couldn't exactly do anything to you so he just kept a eye on you but If you woke up and he was the only one here he was going to kill you he knew you would wake up because he felt a growing uneasiness what ever humanity was In him was being pulled back Into you which was In turn making him crazed as the true Angelus"

Buffy said "all that good and all but In lemans terms please I'm getting a headache"

Giles said "Angels humanity was being sucked a way from him and all that was left was a demons mind set and that wasn't enough to keep him alive so when Angel awake he was weakened and when Angel killed him he took full clime over his humanity"

Buffy said "okay"

Willow said "so what are you guys going to do, you still don't look any better"

Buffy said "were going bake to the penthouse In Italy for Christmas Eve... give us some time to bond" Angel grabbed d her coat and they left.


	25. Acceptance

Thursday Dec 24

_**Why you talking all that talk  
Who you trying to Impress  
Think you better check your style  
That might have worked before  
**_  
the flight was almost there It was midnight I'm tired I rest he covers me up and lets me sleep In his lap this Is the Angel I have been looking for this whole month and he's here with me and I get my last goodbye. I rest no sleep I sleep my heart rate will drop and I probably won't wake up when we landed he gave me another portion of the first syringe and I was alert we took a car to the penthouse he cared me up and laid me on my couch I smiled he got me my lap top as I moved to my desk to finish off my last little bit of work and Emailed them to my lawyer to give to my people when I'm gone. Angels on the balcony I see him lost In thought I smile my Angel the broody type

_**but I ain't having It  
Show me that you got the touch  
Hear the words that I don't say  
Got to read between the lines  
You gotta learn this song  
**_  
I come out and meet him he said "so what did you wanna do here today"

Buffy said "I want you to remind me of the day I missed" Angel looked at her shocked she smiled "the other Angel tattled on you to get me to trust him"

Angel said "oh boy, Buffy you do realize you were a lot less fragile then"

Buffy said "I'm not glass I think you can figure out something, show me"

Angel said "I'll take you to breakfast and you can tell everything"

Cause I wanna be played  
like a sweet guitar  
Played like a slow jam In the dark

we went to my favorite breakfast shop after I mailed off some Important papers he said "tell me"

Buffy said "I hadn't been feeling well for along time but when Willow called me Into that battle that was the straw that broke the camels back I woke up In the hospital and the doctor tells me that I'm dieing In a month they actually though I was going to die In a week but they told me I certainly am not going to make It till tomorrow and by the way I fell I believe It"

he said "what Is your condition"

_**Gotta find the groove  
You know what to do to get to me  
I wanna be played like a violin  
Make the strings talk  
**_  
she said "there Is a blood clot In the back of my brain and Its breaking down and traveling Into my heart clogging all the ventricles thingies and over the years of me pushing my heart In those battles I have murmur which makes my heart weak because It's a hole In It, they can't do anything because there Is so much damage"

he said "there was nothing that could have been done"

Buffy said "they gave me pain killers and blood thinners just to pass my time, I stop talking them almost a week ago"

he said "you fell okay"

Buffy said "I could use another shot" when they got outside he gave her another shot and she woke up she said "thank you... lets go to the apartment"

_**with your finger tips  
Never go to fast  
Gotta understand  
The way I need too be played  
**_***  
when we got there he made us hot chocolate and we sat on my balcony I was In his lap I said to him "Angel"

_**It's not about the way you roll  
Your making It too obvious  
Try to be original  
You gotta learn me  
**_

he looked at her "yes"

Buffy said "I need you to promise me something"

he said "what"

she said "I want you to live you just got your life back don't live It morning me for the rest of It If were meant to be we'll meet again"

he nodded "I know I just"

she smiled "thought when you became human we would finally have our chance life can be cruel huh"

he laughed "god yes"

she laughed nuzzling his neck she raised her head looking him In his eyes "Buffy"

_**Don't be In such a rush  
I can be your symphony  
Listen to me all night long  
If you give me what I need  
I could be your favorite song**_

she said "shut up and kiss me" he kissed her ever so tenderly.

_**I wanna be played like a sweet guitar  
Played like a slow jam In the dark  
Never go to fast  
**_  
he took her too the bed room and gave her half of the last shot she was going need It for what he was going do he took his time on her being ever so tender giving very part of her body the attention she deserved kissing and touching her ever so tender running his Hans up and down her body

_**Gotta find the groove  
You know what to do to get to me  
I wanna be played like a violin  
Make the strings talk  
with your finger tips  
**_  
and after wards he ran her a bath and tended to her body and then he gave her a massage

Gotta understand  
The way I need too be played

and they spent some time In her Jacuzzi just kissing she pulled back

she said "thank you"

he said "for what"

she said "today, you gave me everything I wanted"

he smiled "I believe you deserve It every bit of It, If I had more time with you I would do this for you every chance I got"

she smiled "god you don't know how much I'm going to miss you"

he said "hey no tear you start crying I'll start crying and I don't wanna cry we shouldn't be crying"

she said "your right It's almost dark I wanna go to dinner and take a walk on the promenade and see the light one last time"

he said "come on" he cared her up stairs and helped her get ready.

_**You make It just like that  
Come on do It again  
We're going to get this right  
Even If It takes all night  
**_  
Dinner was great Angel took me to a Stallion restaurant I never knew about It was elegant we had a great time we danced and we took a gondola ride to the area I loved the lights were beautiful

_**Do you feel me?  
That's right  
Take It nice and slow**_

Willow calls Giles "Buffy's took an Importee trip to Italy with Angel she's been acting funny... I'm going to follow her and get some answers"

Giles said "In what respect"

Willow said "you haven't noticed the planning she's taking care of something she planning something"

Giles said "give them there Space Willow"

Willow said "you know don't you" Giles didn't answer she accused "you know don't you, you know just whets wrong with her"

Giles answered "she made me promise" Willow hung up Giles grabbed his things he had to find her

I wanna be played like a sweet guitar  
Played like a slow jam In the dark

Buffy said "I love It here It's so"

Angel said "beautiful"

_**Gotta find the groove  
You know what to do to get to me  
I wanna be played like a violin  
Make the strings talk  
**_  
Buffy said "thank you for today"

Angel said "you already thanked me"

_**with your finger tips  
Never go to fast  
Gotta understand  
The way I need too be played**_

she said "I guess I'm just getting to the point that I'm running out of things to say" he walked them over to a bench and they sat down

he said "how are you feeling"

she answered "my heads starting to hurt my chest hurts a little I'm starting to get tired but I'm not ready for the evening to end"

he said "you should go back to the hospital"

Buffy said "Angel no, no I'm not going to spend my last hours In a hospital bed hooked up to a bunch of machines, no"

Angel said "Buffy"

_**Played like a sweet guitar  
Played like a slow jam In the dark  
**_  
she said "I need you to talk care of my arrangements medically once I'm unconscious, If my heart does stop don't let them resuscitate me, I want my organs donated, If you need help Giles will help you"

Angel nodded she said "agreed"

he said "yes"

she sat with Angel on the docks of Italy leaning on him and playing with his sleeve. "You remember the Christmas The First messed with you"

_**Gotta find the groove  
You know what to do to get to me  
I wanna be played  
**_  
he said "yeah"

she said "I never told you about what happened when my mother was putting up the tree did I"

he looked at her "no" she explained  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~* Flashback *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
(trimming the Christmas tree)

JOYCE: So, Angel's on top again?

BUFFY: (startled) what?

JOYCE: (holds up an Angel and a star) Angel or star?

BUFFY: Oh, uh... star. Star.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *End Flashback *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
he said "oh boy that was wrong"

Buffy said "and after that hot and heavy dream we shared you know my mind was In the gutter

Angel smiled say "love you, Buffy" with a simple gesture of touching her face, tears were In his eyes

Buffy said hugging him "oh god Angel, I love you too."

_**Like a violin  
Make the string talk with  
your finger tips...  
**_  
Willow said "am I Interrupting"

Willow said "so were you going to tell me"

Buffy searched her face and said "tell you what exactly"

she said "don't play dumb, your dieing, what were you planning beat around the bush a awhile and drop dead and hope we didn't notice"

Buffy crossed her arms "thought It would be easer that way"

Willow said "so we were what just supposed to except that, have a good time being dead and don't look In on from up there"

Buffy said "why are you attacking me, I just did what I thought was right"

she said "Wow your right looks so much like giving up and being a coward"

Buffy argued "I was trying to make things easier"

Willow replied "for who"

Buffy said "you guys have been doing just fine without me admit It Angel wasn't Involved you wouldn't have even called me"

Willow said "we were managing with out you, you wanted your life you deserved It and you not being here with us Is a lot different from you being dead.

Buffy said "sorry but you have no Idea what I've been going through for the last month making preparations for this"

Willow argued '''I would have liked to... we all would have liked to"

Buffy rubbed her chest "you would have never understood"

Willow responded "Well, maybe I don't need to understand. Maybe I... I just need you to talk to me."

Buffy got up walking towards her "how can I talk to you when all I keep seeing Is you acting like this and crying about It how do you think that makes me feel you think that the last memory of you Is yelling at me and crying and looking depressed I wanted my last memories to be of you smiling and laughing and taking about Christmas not how much longer I have"

Willow said "This Isn't easy, Buffy! I know you're going through stuff..."

Buffy glared "Dieing Willow that's not just stuff that some pretty big stuff, I know that you were worried about me, but..."

Willow said "It's not even about you anymore, this you dieing doesn't just affect you It effects us all you know, It about the fact that the only real person that gets to say goodbye to you was Angel and I guess Giles sense you told him"

Buffy said "there both handling my medical and Financial diversification after they had too know so they would know my wishes something that you shouldn't have to handle"

Willow said "and Dawn what about her do you remember what you told us happen when she found out about you mom how she broke you were going to dodge that bullet let us deal with that hit"

Buffy said "I get It Willow I get It, I know I was wrong I am dieing I'm dieing and I don't know what to do with myself I had to keep busy I had to say goodbye the way I did b because If I sad It any other way I knew I couldn't do It If I admitted It to you that would mean me really admitting It to myself I'm dieing I'M DIEING, and knowing I would loose the people that meant most to me and they would loose me and I got scared I was, god Willow I'm scared"

Angel touched her shoulder "you don't have to be scared alone"

Buffy said "oh god Willow what am I going to do... what are you going to do with out me" Giles was just getting there "I'm going to miss you guys so much, so much"

_**I am not alone  
Dear lonely miss  
I forgot  
That I remember this  
Oh stranger stranger  
Stranger thIngs have happened, I know  
Oh, oh  
Oh, oh  
**_  
I stopped all was silent I looked around as If a realization dawned on me on one voIce could be heard as they called out my name over my heart struggling to give off It's last few beats and my head pounding In sink with each beat as I then backed up to the railing and slid down I gasping for air Angel and Giles had to hold Willow back as she screamed out my name Angel came to me and picked me up In his strong arms and started to run the gentle motion lulled me to sleep a bit to quickly all I can think Is I have never fallen asleep so fast and felt so relaxed but I knew that was It.


	26. Christmas Miricale

Friday Dec 25

I woke up to the sun coming through my window a room full of my friends and Family I was alive I didn't understand I turned to my left to find Angel sitting next to me I said "how am…"

Angel said "let's just say I'm glad you made me your medical spokes person"

Giles said "doctor Murphy called, when she told you, you were dieing she put you on a transplant list any way the problem was you had a murmur but with all the damage to your heart they could do nothing but when they got a call yesterday morning they called me yesterday afternoon I told them to send the heart Immediately here when Angel brought you Into the hospital we told him and sense you gave him your medical rights he signed off on It and suggested they do a by base sense your ventricles were so damaged and the blood clot were gone the thinners got rid of them but they still had to do the bypass because the ventricles were so damaged beyond repair"

Doctor Murphy came In said "from what I understand they told you what happened, I guess morning, you should be thanking Angel here for thinking quickly he saved your life"

I closed my eyes for a moment 'I guess I just wish he would save me' I smile I look at him "you always seem to come In and save me right In the nick of time"

he smiled "Is my job" I turned looking at the ceiling coving my face with my hands and for the first time sense the whole ordeal began I wept hard so hard I thought I was going to pull out my stitches I felt Angel's arms come around me and I felt safe he was really my guardian Angel once I calmed down he said "oh an Buffy I have a gift for you"

she kept her hands over her face he said "look"

she took her hands down opening her eyes she focused her eyes and found he was holding a ring box she saw the ring and It was the same ring she saw In her dream beautiful Diamond Claddagh ring with the huge heart and the different birth stones all over the band It was exactly the way she remembered It from her dream she said "are you serious"

he smiled "I can't get anymore serious... I have almost lost you far to many times, I'm not going to loose you again, would you make me the happiest man In the world, Would you marry me"

she smiled "god I never thought I would ever here you say those words to me"

Dawn said "Damn It answer the man"

everyone said "SAY YES"

Buffy said "hey I was savoring the moment, he's not going to ask me more then once" she looked at Angel "nothing would make me happier" as she sat up he kissed her forehead and she grabbed his face kissed homed ever so tenderly turning passion Dawn hit them "your In a hospital"

Willow said "you can put the knew heart to work In six weeks"

Angel said "oh doctor Murphy do you think she could get discharged for a party tonight It's a annual thing"

she said "only If she promises not to move around to much and pull out those stitches she'll have to sit still and no heavy food"

Angel said "I'll keep an eye on her"

Buffy said "I have nothing to where"

Angel said "oh I'll get you something"

The party was wonderful I never thought I would see It Dawn was ticked and said she was going to kick me once I was well I would be ready for her though we at we danced to the slow music here we stand at the bridge I look over the railing at the lights of Italy I smile from ear to ear Angel wraps his arms around me I rest my head on his chest "It was a great night"

he said "It was, and you were here to see It"

Buffy said "so you left those thing for me"

he said "what things"

she said "the book the ring"

he said "what are you talking about"

she said "the book the journal of your travels the pictures from prom the ring you first gave me"

he said "I never wrote a journal and all pictures and photos were destroyed when LA burned"

Buffy said "then the book" she smiled "I guess the powers were looking out for us for us after all" he held her tight they looked up at the stars

AN: _Did you Really think I was going to Kill her… for shame On you, For shame_


	27. Epilogue

2 years later  
they stood looking at the stars again she had stopped the book before It reached the printer and added a new prolog the other videos were streamed together and she added commentary and It made It as a Independent film at cans the following year the article was award wining and the book sold many copies she was rolling In money and she gave It to heart disease research for the book and film and she was In talks to make her other books Into movies and have her own magazine. She was happy as she said "were going to be late"

he said "no were not" they took the limo.

we reached the party we walked In the dinning room everyone yelled "Happy Anniversary"

Buffy saw the cake and dinner "our first anniversary you remembered... you set all this up"

Angel said "of course... you have always had good taste,,, I had help" the party was great Angel was admiring my red gown made over silk layers that belled out with my velvet shoulder sash bright red lips and my hair was now black with brown strikes he could keep his eyes off me all night and when he got me home he couldn't keep his hands off me we lay In bed after a evening of passion he said "I suggest you wear that red nighttime again"

she giggled "I have others you'll see soon enough" he kissed my neck

he said "how are you"

she said "happy to be alive and with you"

Angel said "your never going to loose me again...you know I'm always here for you"

and she did "you know I really love you" she pulled him Into a deeply heated kiss there was no sleep tonight.  
***

THE END

How did you like it I wanted to get one story in time for Christmas, and all you loyal readers I got another new story coming in a few days… smooches


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